The Day Before You
by phoenix9648
Summary: SEQUEL to Fast Cars and Freedom. Third and final installment in the Friend Zone Spoby AU series. Spencer and Toby, now engaged, spend their days planning their perfect wedding and looking forward to their future together until something devastating rocks their world as they know it. Will they make it to their wedding day or will they have to wake up from their dream life?
1. Chapter 1

_Hello my loves! Can you believe it? It's FINALLY HERE!_

_Welcome to the THIRD and FINAL installment of my Spoby AU series. It started with Friend Zone, and then Fast Cars and Freedom came along, and now that Before It All Began, all my Troigan prompts, and some other things are done, it is time for this story to take the spotlight._

_Just a reminder, this is an AU story, so I highly recommend you read the two previous stories if you haven't already since characters have different backgrounds than they may have on the show, there's no A, there's no Alison, basically there are very few things in common, etc. Another reminder that sometimes I sneak in some stolen lines from the show, some notable characters, or twist a few canon events into my AU world, and you will see those throughout the story. I do apologize that this story will be much shorter than the last ones, only eight chapters, but I worked incredibly hard to finish this for you guys since there was such a high demand. I did run out of material to shine a better light on certain events I would've liked more time for, but it is what it is, and I hope you guys like it all the same.  
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_This story is most certainly not for me, but for you beautiful and loyal readers. Cannot believe I still have some of you here after the long and exhausting wait, but I treasure each of you and admire your patience and sweetness. I dedicate this one to you, my loves._

_There will be a trigger warning on some chapters and I do two major things in this story that I think will bring on an incredible amount of hate. I apologize if I hurt your feels, my loves, or if someone is offended by something I write, but I'm doing what I originally envisioned since it's something I relate to personally. Take it as you will. Don't like, don't read, that's all I can really say.  
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_**This story is rated M**. This chapter alone has its reasons for that, so please only read ahead if you are of age. (Apologies that this chapter is literally the cheesiest thing I've ever written and for me? That's SAYING SOMETHING.)  
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_Title, like the story before, is derived from the Rascal Flatts song of the same name. If you know it, hopefully you'll see why it fits as the story and series wraps up in the end :)_

_Endless thanks for all of your support, absolutely unbelievable patience, and many more things I couldn't even begin to list. You are the greatest gifts a writer could ask for and I am forever grateful for you taking the time to read my work. Another note, all my A/Ns will be much much shorter than this from now on, if not non-existent! Thanks! Enjoy!_

**I do not own Pretty Little Liars.**

* * *

**The Day Before You**

_(Sequel to Fast Cars and Freedom)_

* * *

**Chapter One**

Toby gave up trying to balance all of his eco-friendly bags filled to the brim with groceries and placed them on the floor in front of the door. Once he got the door open, he slid the collection inside with the side of his foot and locked the door behind him.

He headed further into the loft, grocery bags in hand once more, and found a beautiful sight waiting for him in the kitchen.

Spencer Hastings, the love of his life, had her back to him as she scrubbed at a casserole dish in the sink. Despite her aggressive cleaning, she was singing a soft ballad, clearly completely oblivious to his presence since normally she was more reserved about that sort of thing. But her iPod was playing and she was singing along in perfect harmony.

Toby had to shake his head a little, wondering how she was so unaware of her many talents, and snuck up quietly behind her to wrap his arms around her waist.

She gasped at his touch before relaxing back into him, a smile gracing her beautiful face.

It was perfect timing, really, since the solo verse just finished and it was the male's turn.

"_All those days chasing down a daydream, all those years living in a blur, all that time never truly seeing, things, the way they were_." he sang lovingly. He nudged her temple with his forehead, smiling a little as he sang the next bit. "_Now she's here, shining in the starlight, now she's here, suddenly I know, if she's here, it's crystal clear, I'm where I'm meant to go_."

Spencer, naturally, blushed at the sincerity laced in every faucet of his voice.

"_And at last I see the light_…" they sang in unison, both grinning now.

"_And it's like the fog has lifted_." Toby chimed in on his own.

"_And at last I see the light_…"

Spencer took the next line alone. "_And it's like the sky is new_…"

"_And it's warm and real and bright, and the world has somehow shifted. All at once, everything is different, now that I see you. Now that I… see… you_…"

They finished together, migrating closer to press their lips tenderly against the other's.

And, well, things were never good at staying simple these days.

Spencer slid easily in the curve of his arms so she was facing him better, leaning up to kiss him properly, loving the way his hands pressed gently into her lower back.

One left its station to cup her face, Toby deepening the kiss and making Spencer instantly wobbly-kneed.

Her hands pressed into his chest for balance, her lips moving in synchronization with his, and she let herself sigh into his mouth.

"I'm supposed to be doing dishes, Toby… they won't clean themselves…" she murmured, her eyelids fluttering shut once more as he pressed his lips up behind her ear.

"Mm they can wait. I've missed my fiancé." he teased into her skin.

Spencer grinned and pulled him closer, much preferring the current distraction over the chore waiting for her, however OCD she could be about cleaning.

It was still crazy to her to think back the few months ago when she and Toby got engaged. He proposed to her on her birthday, when the pair of them and their other friends went up to her family's lake house to enjoy a few days of fun in the sun. Naturally, it was extravagant, his question popped during homage to a scene from the movie Tangled that she had fallen in love with. She couldn't say yes fast enough, having known for a long time that she had found her soul mate. Marrying her best friend was exactly the fairy tale ending she had always dreamed of, and soon it would become a reality.

Spencer giggled when his mouth trailed her neck like a rogue hiker. "You're almost as good at this as you are singing."

Toby raised his eyebrows at her with a smirk, pulling back from his attack. "_Almost_ as good? Well I must be able to carry a decent tune… but I think I can up my credentials with you in this department too." he teased, his hands cupping under her thighs to lift her onto the counter and his lips finding hers passionately.

His kisses made her head spin and her legs leapt immediately to knot around his middle, tugging him tightly against her.

His hands climbed her thighs, thumbs slipping down to stroke her inner muscles and causing her breath to hitch. His gentle touch mixed with the friction between them was causing an ache between her legs. And she knew she wasn't alone in wanting to take things further.

"Bedroom." she whispered, their lips moving faster together now.

Toby grinned and cupped her butt to carry her to their shared room. Ever since Spencer had moved in, they had made great use of it.

* * *

After a generous round of lovemaking, they lay curled up together, Spencer's fingers lazily making circles on his strong chest.

The look in her eyes made Toby realize her mind was elsewhere, and he nudged her temple gently with his forehead.

"Everything okay?"

She nodded, forcing a smile. "Of course. Just kind of dreading the wedding planning get-together with the girls. I really don't feel like discussing floral arrangements or colour schemes today. And they need a final decision on bridesmaid dresses, so I know I have to… but I wish I could stay right here." she sighed, laying her head down and nuzzling closer to him.

Toby ran his fingers through her hair. "Well, I wouldn't have any complaints about that, but if it has to be done in order for me to marry you sooner…" he murmured, letting his lips brush against the sensitive skin beneath her ear. "Then I guess I should encourage you to go."

Spencer smiled, amazed at how Toby could turn her mood around with the simplest of things, and she sat up to kiss him once on the lips.

She looked down at her ring thoughtfully. "It still all feels like a dream. We're so young!"

"I know. I really thought you'd say no to that fact alone, but I still wanted to ask. I knew I wanted you forever, no matter how long it had been. I didn't think we'd get married right away, but we talked about waiting on the wedding and you seemed pretty determined to do it sooner rather than later."

"Well that was more my parents than me. As much as I've tried to convince them otherwise, they think this is a shotgun wedding. And really, what's the point in waiting? We're going to be together forever regardless. We already know our wedding party too. Speaking of, are you _sure_ you don't want me to add Jenna in the bridesmaids? I'd do it for you."

Toby shook his head. "She can sit front row with the families. I think that's generous. If anything, I need somebody on my side. Without Melissa, we had the perfect matching numbers—Aria, Emily and Hanna on your side, Caleb, Ezra and Jason on my side. But I'm glad you decided to include her, and my dad said he would step in if we couldn't find anyone. It'll be fine, Spencer. Don't stress."

She sighed exasperatedly. "You forget you're talking to a Hastings, Toby. It's in our very DNA. Something you might want to remember if you ever want to reproduce with me. Our kids are going to be little neurotic saw-wielders with big blue eyes and hair that frizzes out in the summer humidity."

He couldn't help himself from laughing. "Spencer… your hair does not frizz out that badly."

She rolled her eyes. "You're such a boy. Of course it does—I just have to take drastic measures to make sure it doesn't get its own zip code."

Spencer pulled herself to the edge of the bed, stretching to get the kinks out of her shoulders. Slipping out of the covers, she crossed the room to their dresser and began pulling out different articles of clothing to appraise.

Toby _was_ a boy, or at least a man, so the sight of his naked fiancée strutting around the room in all her perfect glory had him unable to control his actions. He followed her, letting his hands roam down her body as he pressed himself tightly behind her and began kissing her neck.

"You could reschedule… or postpone… Or we could just get married at City Hall and sign our names and spend all of the hours you would be planning this wedding in this very room tangled up under our sheets if you wanted…" he whispered into her skin as she involuntarily succumbed to his touch.

"We need to make a list of unfair things to do to each other. Number one is going to be pressing your naked body against my naked body when I'm trying to get dressed to go out because it is very counterproductive. "

Toby chuckled, tugging on her earlobe with his teeth and causing her to groan and lose strength in her knees.

"Toby… you already distracted me from doing the dishes… is this really necessary?"

"Just because we're engaged doesn't mean we're not allowed to still be horny teenagers. It's our last year to be able to use that excuse! Also I think it's a rule that soon-to-be newlyweds can't keep their hands to themselves."

Spencer rolled her eyes, finally managing to regretfully step out of his hold and pull on some clothes, settling on a skirt and top combo. The skirt was tomato red and high-waisted, letting her tuck the powder blue sleeveless that had a knot near the neckline into the thick black elastic band around her ribcage.

Toby watched her head into the bathroom to style her hair, fiddling with it until it was pinned in a curly loose side-ponytail.

As always, she looked beautiful, and Toby counted his blessings again for whatever force of nature brought her into his life.

Redressing, Toby figured he might as well clear up the dishes that were still waiting to get taken care of while Spencer finished getting ready.

"Yes, I'm leaving now. See you in ten." Spencer said to whichever friend she was conversing with on the phone, hanging up and leaning up to press a kiss to her fiancée's cheek. "Have a good night. I'll be back as soon as I can, but you know us… we get sidetracked. Four teenage girls should really not be planning a wedding, but thankfully my mother and sister are going to do the most of the heavy lifting. We just get to do the 'fun' stuff."

Toby smiled as he continued to put away the glasses. "Have a good time with your girls. Call me if you need to be picked up."

"You think I'm going to get drunk? That was one time!" she exclaimed defensively, remembering in the summer when she and the girls 'went out to dinner' and ended up trying out new cocktails and getting more than tipsy. Spencer had called Toby and was giggling so much he couldn't even figure out what she was saying, but that was all he needed to hear to know what had happened.

"I meant…" Toby pacified, smiling amusedly at the memory regardless. "In case the weather changes or it gets late and you don't feel comfortable walking home alone. I can even just come meet you. I don't like the idea of you walking around these streets alone at night."

"_Down these mean streets a girl must go who is not herself mean."_ Spencer quoted, smiling adorably in gratitude at her protective but not controlling future husband, and kissed him softly on the mouth. "I'll keep you posted. Likely one of the girls will drop me off so don't wait up. What are your plans for tonight?"

He shrugged as he closed up the dishwasher. "I'll figure something out. Might call one of the guys to come over."

"Well, take comfort in the fact that you'll probably be having more fun than me." Spencer teased. "Once we get a few more details figured out, you and I will have to sit down and work through a few more of our own decisions."

Toby, although he had been surprised by the amount of work that went into weddings, nodded. He looked forward to anything that helped them get closer to the day they would be formally tied as one.

"Go on. Before another one of the girl calls in a panic, wondering where the bride-to-be is." he told her, pushing her gently towards the door, knowing her stalling was reluctance to dive back into discussions over itinerary and centerpieces.

With a sigh and one last kiss goodbye, Spencer headed to join her best friends.

* * *

The four girls met at their usual place for dinner, a tad nostalgic for the Apple Rose Grille from back home where they all always had their orders memorized. Still, the place they went was not too busy and they were free to eat and discuss leisurely, which was perfect for the kind of meeting they were undergoing.

"Okay, Spence, stay focused." Aria told her encouragingly after their food orders had come and they had discussed the guest list and reception music, which Emily was responsible for, and she pulled out her domain—the design of the reception hall/floral arrangements.

Spencer counted to three in her head, normally all for planning but this stuff was so frivolous to her. She just wanted to marry Toby. Who cared if she chose carnations over tulips? There were so many decisions to be made and it was starting to wear her down; her to-do list was endless, which didn't make planning as satisfying as it felt under normal circumstances.

"All right, lay it on me." she grunted.

"Do you want greenery in your bouquet? Because there was this really beautiful one that mixes it up nicely. It's pretty typical of a bride bouquet. But if you wanted something more simple, we could just get two different coloured roses and intermingle them."

"I like the greenery, as long as it's not too overwhelming, but I want much less in the bridesmaid bouquets. Mine is supposed to be the dramatic one, right?" Spencer said authoritatively, examining the samples her maid of honour provided.

It had been hard for Spencer to choose, but Emily and Hanna didn't seem upset—Aria and Spencer had always been closest out of the four, and she also happened to be a big help thanks to her participation in her mom's wedding to her new boyfriend over the summer.

"I want the two shades of purple—one dark and one light. And then of course the white, so I'd say more in dark than light to balance it all out."

Aria nodded and jotted down her decisions.

"Okay, my turn." Hanna piped up, pulling out her busting-at-the-seam folder.

The three girls' eyes widened the first time she had presented it, but now they understood that Hanna was just overly enthusiastic to be responsible for the fashion side of things.

"Spencer, I think you're going to _love_ these. They fit your vision perfectly." she said enthusiastically, sliding across the photos of the bridesmaid dresses. They were just above knee length, dark purple dresses with an elegant black sash around the middle that tied in a bow behind or to the side depending on your style. "I figured me, Emily and Melissa could have them behind, and with Aria being your maid of honour, she could be different to stand out and have it to the side."

Spencer couldn't help herself from smiling. "They're _perfect_, Hanna. You will all look gorgeous in those."

"Speaking of purple and black, I finally found the right fitting tablecloths for your reception tables. I sent an email to Melissa about it, but we have the royal purple tablecloths and then the black run down the middle. I think it's going to look amazingly elegant. I just need her to get back to me on how many we need."

Melissa and Spencer's mom were responsible for the heavy lifting of the wedding—booking the venue, creating the guest list, catering, planning the rehearsal dinner, booking the wedding music (a string quartet) and photographer, and generally handling all the things most of them would forget about.

"Oh, I'm supposed to remind you to go shopping for your shoes and figure out the itinerary." Hanna added, checking her list.

"And Spence, the cake samples will be ready to pick up tomorrow morning at 10." Emily added, the cake being under her responsibilities.

"Right. Toby's off tomorrow so we're spending the whole day doing wedding prep. I'll make sure both get done. We've got to find our wedding bands too or else we're going to get married with the plastic ones from those claw machines." Spencer said, adding the two tasks to her calendar.

"Have you booked your hair and make-up specialist yet?" Aria asked.

"Melissa did. Honestly, you guys and my family are saving my ass. I would never be able to keep all of this straight on my own. Dessert is most definitely on me."

"YES! I'm getting the brownie." Hanna said giddily. Seeing the others' expressions, she corrected her throat. "I mean, we are more than happy to help."

Spencer tossed her bunched up straw wrapper at her teasingly with a laugh.

"So, let's leave it there on the wedding stuff. What's new with you guys? How's the new job, Em?"

Emily, for some reason, blushed a little. "It's… surprisingly good. Working for Jenna is a lot easier than you might think."

"If you ever need someone to slap her, make sure you call me." Hanna said assuredly.

"Wait, what?" Aria jumped in.

"Do you not remember at the club that time when she was being a bitch to Toby and I—"

"Not _you_, Hanna!" Aria interrupted impatiently while Spencer laughed. "Em! When did you start working for the dragon lady?"

"She's not _that_ bad. She started managing a coffee shop close by my school so I started working there. We're… kind of… friends." she admitted, scratching behind her ear as she stirred her drink uneasily.

"Jenna has changed, at least in my experience with her. She's trying to move on from her past, who she used to be. I think it's great that you guys are getting along. She needs someone as lovely as you to model herself after." Spencer said supportively to her embarrassed friend.

Of course, the compliment only made her bashfully duck her head more.

"Yeah, I came home to the two of them in our living room the other day. I don't think Jenna was too happy to see me, she looked like she saw a ghost, but no claws came out, so maybe she has changed." Hanna said casually as she started playing with her napkin, attempting to turn it into a swan.

Unable to help herself, Spencer leaned over to help her.

Earlier in the year, after Maya and Emily broke up, Emily needed a new place to live. The timing was perfect, since Toby asked Spencer to move in with him, leaving a spot open in Hanna and Spencer's shared apartment. Emily was more than happy to move in with her best friend, and Spencer didn't feel any regrets as soon as she crossed the threshold and walked straight into her soon-to-be fiancé's arms.

Jenna and Toby still saw each other on occasion, and during one of her visits to the Brew downstairs from their loft, where Toby and Ezra worked, she mentioned she had started managing a coffee shop downtown. She had said once before that she wanted to own one in the future, add her own personal recipes to the menu, and it was a great starting point for her to get to that level.

Emily called Spencer a couple weeks later, telling her she had ran into Jenna at the coffee place near her school and was hired as a barista. Before she could ask, Spencer reassured her that the hard feelings between Jenna, Toby and Spencer were on their way out the door. Having her best friend work for Toby's stepsister? It was just another way to keep them moving forward instead of dwelling on the horrific past. There was still tension, but they were working on loosening it, and Spencer knew that Emily was strong enough to hold her own if it came down to it.

The fact that Jenna and Emily had progressed to friends that hung out outside of work, well, that was new, but Spencer was glad that Emily was so open-minded and willing to forgive people. It was one of her most beautiful qualities, and she hoped that Jenna was well aware of how lucky she was to have her in her life in any sense.

"How's Ezra?" Emily asked Aria, seemingly eager to change the subject.

"Busy. He was meeting a friend tonight and he wouldn't tell me much about it. He can be so cryptic for NO reason. Anyways, apparently they're visiting from New York and are 'hopefully only here for a few days' whatever that means." she said, rolling her eyes.

Thankfully, their desserts came and all bad feelings ran for cover.

"What's new with you and Caleb?" Aria asked the blonde who was enthusiastically tearing into her treat.

"Not much. He's been working a lot, training some new girl at the bar, so I haven't seen him much." Hanna said unenthusiastically. "With Em working, our boys busy, and you and Toby constantly intertwined, me and Aria have been getting a lot of hangout time."

Spencer scoffed. "We're not _constantly intertwined_."

"Do you guys even go to the bathroom separately?" Hanna retorted, clearly not believing her.

"Yes!" Spencer said indignantly. She wasn't sure she could ever be one of those couples that were comfortable doing that. Toby probably wouldn't care, but she liked to 'preserve the magic' at least a little. And bathroom usage was private time, thank you very much.

"Hey, let's lay off the bride-to-be. She can't help being madly in love with her buff beau." Aria defended, squeezing Spencer's hand. "She still makes time for us, like right now for example."

Spencer nodded defiantly.

Emily snickered.

Hanna continued eating her brownie, a touch of a grin on her lips. It was so easy to rile Spencer up she had to say she missed living with her sometimes.

"So what's Toby doing tonight?" Emily asked conversationally.

Spencer shrugged. "Well now that I know Caleb and Ezra are so busy, I guess I'll find out when I get home."

* * *

"No, no, no, NO!" Toby groaned, clicking buttons on his controller furiously as his virtual car smashed into the median and exploded.

"You're really not going to win this race, man." the dirty-blonde next to him laughed, drifting with ease around the curves like racing video games were as simple as pouring water in a glass.

"Can it, DiLaurentis."

After finding out his two guy best friends were wrapped up in other things, Toby had decided to call another friend of his, Jason. He had technically been Toby's boss to start out, since they worked together on renovations at his new place, but the two had got along since day one. Now that his house was fixed up, besides the odd job, they'd get together to hangout as buddies—video game nights, working out, paintball, whatever guy stuff they felt like doing. It was great to have another friend, since Toby didn't tend to get close to a lot of people.

Shortly after their friendship took off, they had run into a small snag—finding out that Jason was in fact Spencer's illegitimate older half-brother from her dad's affair that she had no idea existed.

Luckily, they managed to get past it, and he and Spencer now had a great bond from their previous stranger status. They had spent a lot more time together over the last few months and now it seemed strange to think Jason hadn't been in her life for much longer.

Speak of the devil, a key in the lock alerted the pair that Spencer had returned. Toby glanced at the mess of pizza boxes and beer on the coffee table, and then shrugged. Spencer wasn't really the type to nag, unless it stayed there too long and he never let it.

Knowing it was stupid, Toby tried harder than ever to get further up the line of cars so that he didn't look like he had been failing as bad as he had been.

"Hey, Spence." he called out as he heard her putting away her coat and shoes several feet behind him.

"Hey." she greeted, coming over and collapsing next to him, her arms winding around his waist so she wouldn't disturb his playing. "Hey bro."

"Hey sis." Jason replied easily, the joking nicknames they now used on each other coming as simply as if they had been saying them for the years they should have been.

Ironically, the pair had met by chance—Jason had sold Spencer the truck she bought for Toby's Christmas present, and he had mentioned he needed help with renovations which was right up Toby's alley. If Toby hadn't taken the job and they hadn't gotten to talking, he might have never figured out the connection, or Spencer may have taken much longer to come around to the idea of gaining a brother in her life.

Spencer was incredibly grateful now that fate had brought them together when it did. She and Jason were pretty close now, and she found him really easy to talk to. All awkwardness from the old days was long gone.

"How was wedding planning?" Toby asked as he narrowly avoided traffic onscreen.

She groaned and buried her face in his neck, causing him to laugh. "Remind me to buy each of our friends huge thank you gifts at the end of this. Like a BMW. I would be such a goner without them and I'm supposed to be the organized one of the group. There is still _so_ much we have to do."

"It'll get done, don't worry. We've got tons of time."

"Yes, but so many things take months… dress fittings and ordering and bookings and god knows what else. I've got to update my checklist on my laptop. But remember that tomorrow it's you and me, buddy." she said, pulling back finally.

She caught sight of the screen and smirked.

"Wow, Toby, you should be in NASCAR."

Jason laughed, since Toby was near the end of the line and had just careened into another obstacle, and Toby chose to glower at him instead of his wife-to-be.

"He's working on it. What do you guys have to get done tomorrow?" Jason asked as they reset the level.

"Just a few odds and ends. Cake testing, wedding ring browsing, and of course updating Toby on all the loveliness we talked about today. We've got to figure out the itinerary, like what speeches will go where and how we'll break them up. Typically, the maid of honour and best man both make toasts, but the father of the bride and mother of the groom sometimes do too."

As soon as she said it, she felt a pang. Toby had lost his mother a few years ago, so clearly that one wouldn't be happening. Toby's face remained passive, but she knew underneath his heart had probably hurt at the reminder.

"Um, and, uh, we've got to figure out the planning for the day itself. Order for the wedding party, when we want to do photos, that sort of thing. My sister is getting impatient about booking the photographer, and our last conversation she snapped at me and told me I'd have to hire Lucas Gottesman from high school who used to shoot our yearbook pictures if I didn't make a decision soon."

"How are your families about you two getting married?"

"Well, little did I know, Toby asked my father's permission like an old-fashioned gentleman." Spencer said amusedly.

When he had admitted it to her a couple days after their engagement, before they called their families to tell them the good news, Spencer had been shocked. The last conversation Toby and her father exchanged had not been friendly. Toby had jumped in to defend her at Thanksgiving to her family's obtuse expectations, and her father had been none too pleased. It ended up turning into a heated argument where Toby was kicked out of the house, but Spencer followed without hesitation, only stopping to throw in a few choice words of her own.

At Christmas, Melissa reassured her that, after coming clean over why she and Spencer were at such odds and to explain a few of the harsher comments she had made, their parents had changed their tune about Toby. Not that they'd ever admit to her that they were wrong.

Spencer figured they had gotten over the Thanksgiving debacle, but would keep an eye on Toby from then on. It had blown her away to learn that Toby had sat down with her father, and later her mother, to ask for permission to propose to their youngest daughter at nineteen years old. She had never imagined her parents saying yes to something like that.

"I think they think it's a shotgun wedding." Spencer told Jason honestly.

"I'll be honest, it crossed my mind when you told me, but I also know love when I see it." He suddenly smirked. "You better keep on that though, if dress fittings have to be done so far in advance."

Spencer rolled her eyes. "I think we'll manage."

"What about your family?" Jason asked, directing the question to Toby now.

He shrugged. "They hadn't met her before. My grandparents had, but my dad and step-mom, with Jenna's help, came around to the idea rather easily. They're trying to be on my better side, and I really don't think they care what I do with my life as long as I'm happy, so they just went with it. After they met her, they definitely were more enthusiastic about the idea. My step-mom loves her."

Spencer brushed faux-dust off her shoulder and Jason laughed.

"I just have that effect on parents I guess." she explained amusedly. "Anyways, I should update that list before I forget what we talked about tonight. Goodnight you two. Behave." she told them, leaning down to kiss Toby's cheek lightly before leaving for her room.

As her laptop booted up, Spencer went to change in the bathroom.

Naturally, the toilet paper roll finished and she bent down to get a new one out of the cupboard below the sink.

She pulled out the white cotton roll, but stopped for a moment, noticing what was behind it.

Spencer stayed crouched down on the floor, calculating, her eyes locked onto the unopened box of tampons in the corner.

She had bought those two weeks ago. Two weeks ago due to the fact that in a few days time she would require them and she had used up her last box the previous month.

Or wait, was it _two_ months ago?

Doing certain human things, like lather, rinse, repeat and closing the refrigerator door may be an autopilot thing more than a conscious decision, but Spencer was fairly certain that going through all the motions of being on her period was not. Although she was fortunate that she was very regular and not too heavy without the need for birth control, she knew that she still suffered from the female paranoia of leaking during her period. She was always very diligent of changing her tampons in a timely fashion, wearing the chosen underwear, and all of those sorts of things.

But she hadn't done that last week. Because she hadn't needed to.

She was late.

Spencer was never late. It was like even her menstrual cycle was following the Hastings way, being organized and on point without fail. Spencer wasn't late to appointments, to coffee dates, and she certainly wasn't late when it came to shedding her uterine lining due to lack of an implanted fertilized egg.

Which could only mean one thing… she was pregnant.


	2. Chapter 2

_I had a request to make this story both super angsty and super fluffy, so I tried to get the best of both worlds and do a mix! Hope that works for everyone :)_

_Also, note for this **entire** story, I did do some research as always, but I'm not a trained professional and the internet is only so reliable. I took plenty from personal experience as well but just throwing that out there now. Please seek any scientific facts with an actual professional :)_

_Apologies that for a few hours yesterday this didn't have any tags for characters and was just sitting in the general. I added them and paired them up but for some reason they wouldn't show up right away. I removed and re-added them a few times and eventually the glitch sorted itself out. Sorry to anyone who had trouble finding this at first!_

_REMINDER: THIS STORY IS RATED M. JUST SAYING. FOR SOME REASON. AT THE BEGINNING OF _THIS_ CHAPTER. I WONDER WHY. ;) (also fun fact this was one of my absolute favourite chapters to write) (I would also like to dedicate it to Nidz, since I never did finish that prompt for you. Sorry, love!)  
_

_Note: Some things I reference in the story (particularly the last chapter) I will link photos to on my twitter since I can't post on here. My twitter user is the same as my penname!_

**I do not own Pretty Little Liars.**

* * *

**Chapter Two**

Toby had joined her in the bedroom less than an hour after she had gone to bed, but Spencer pretended to be asleep—something she had never done with him before.

Her mind was still racing, so she knew she wouldn't be falling asleep anytime soon, but she knew if Toby even glanced at her he'd see through any mask she wore and know that something was up. And if he confronted her about it, she'd spill, and she wasn't ready for that. She needed some time to process, and there was no need to panic him until she knew for sure.

Once Toby settled next to her under the covers, she felt a pang in her chest. If she was 'awake', she could crawl into his arms and he would ease away her worries with just his touch and heartbeat under her ear. She knew he wouldn't pull her into him when she was already sleeping—too concerned with jostling her awake to take the risk.

Her back was to him and she tried her best to make her breathing seem serene and even.

It didn't take long for his to mellow out and she knew he had plunged into dreams.

Her first tears started falling immediately. Would the news of a baby on the way change everything between them? They had never even discussed _if _they would have kids, let alone when! She highly doubted Toby had planned on them popping them out before the wedding even happened.

She knew Toby too well to think he'd ever leave her to raise a baby on her own, especially with their recent commitment to each other, but maybe Toby didn't want kids. Spencer shook her head, running her hands through her hair in stress. They had made jokes about it, alluded to a future with their hybrids running around, but they hadn't sat down and discussed how many kids they wanted and when they would start trying and what size house and yard they would need. Would they get a family dog? They had Minin, she supposed.

Oh god, it was all too much. After an hour of running through different scenarios of the future, all of which involved Spencer waddling down the aisle as her size rivaled that of a beluga whale, Spencer threw herself out of bed and slipped out of the room.

In the kitchen, she splashed water on her face before pouring herself a glass from the pitcher in the fridge. Drinking it down quick enough that her throat clenched in distaste to the coolness, Spencer tried to regulate her breathing.

She knew it was shallow and selfish and absolutely… childish to worry about her figure on her wedding day when she had a life form growing inside her. It was just that when she had always pictured that day since she was a little girl, she was always looking her very best. Glowing with beauty and femininity and sculpted curves. The dress she had already bought would never work with that vision, and she knew she'd have to get an entire new dress if she was going to carry this baby to term.

Not that she ever would consider the alternative option. Spencer knew, if this baby was really in there, she was having it. There would be no adoption or termination. The idea of giving up a part of her and part of Toby was just impossible to contemplate.

If this was real though, how on earth would she tell Toby? What would he even say? They were nineteen, still getting their degrees, not exactly rolling in money or time to spare to raise a child. Her parents were paying for the majority of the wedding, or else they wouldn't even be doing that. But a teen pregnancy? Somehow she doubted her parents would be as willing.

She knew she had it easier than a lot of other people in her situation, but this was still feeling like all too much.

"Spence?" a soft, sleepy voice came and she jumped in alarm.

Toby was standing in the doorway of the kitchen, rubbing his eyes and watching her in concern. She wondered how long he had been standing there—probably not long, judging by how confused and tired he looked.

Spencer quickly wiped her eyes as subtly as she could. "Just… needed some water."

"You're crying." Toby stated, his brow puckered as he crossed the room to brush away her tears.

Spencer wanted to turn away, but she craved his touch too much. She caved, letting him gently caress her cheeks, and she melted into his embrace. "Bad dream." she lied.

His lips pressed against her forehead as he held her. "Want to talk about?"

She shook her head. "This is helping more." Her response was more honest this time. She never lied to Toby, if she could help it, and she wasn't looking to get into a habit of it. She decided that she needed to know for sure about if this pregnancy was real or not. Then, and only then, could she get a clear enough head to figure out what she was going to do with that information and how to go about telling Toby about it. Now wasn't the time, but she didn't want to have to keep lying in order to keep it a secret.

Toby had no idea what was going on in her head, so he simply rubbed her back soothingly. "Just remember it's not real. It's just a dream. And as long as I'm here, I'll keep you safe."

She nodded, snuggling closer. "Let's go back to bed."

Toby followed her, his hand in hers, and they climbed under the covers. This time Spencer nestled into his arms, her head on his shoulder, and breathing came much easier. This man, this gentle, loving man, was her soul mate. She knew that. So if they had kids early in their lives or much later when they were more prepared, it didn't matter. She knew they could handle whatever was thrown their way.

With the plan to make a doctor's appointment first thing in the morning, Spencer fell asleep to the steady beat of Toby's heart.

* * *

It luckily wasn't too hard to get away the next day. Toby was off and normally they did errands together, but she managed to convince him that she needn't be accompanied to drop off some new wedding info to Melissa's condo or to pick up the bakery cake samples they had ordered. She promised that as soon as she got back, they'd get to the rest of the wedding planning.

Now, although she knew she was better off not freaking out her fiancé with potentially false news, she sort of wished he was with her at the doctor's office. She had lucked in and called right after another patient had cancelled, and the early morning slot managed to work out with everything else she had to do.

Sitting there, in the cushioned-yet-still-uncomfortable waiting room chair, Spencer fidgeted. She picked at her nails, kept rechecking her phone, and probably looked like a highly impatient person. She was so anxious about the whole thing affecting her personal life that she hadn't even thought about what others would think and now it was all rushing at her like an avalanche. Would her friends be supportive? Likely. But what about their parents or significant others? What would people back home say, or at school? And even today, since she slipped in where she could, she wasn't even seeing her regular doctor! Would they judge her for getting pregnant at the ripe old age of nineteen? Spencer already got enough shifty-eyes sent in her direction from the sparkly ring donned on her left hand, she did not need another reason to convince people that she was an irresponsible, irrational teenager. She wasn't some lovesick little girl—Toby _was_ her soulmate and he was her life and she'd be damned if she let anyone try to convince her that anything about them was anything less than perfect.

But she knew, when her stomach started blooming, that they'd all look at her ring with a little more knowing in their eyes.

_Ah, well, at least the boy is responsible. They're doing the _proper _thing._

Unconsciously, Spencer covered her left hand with her right, trying to stop her foot from jiggling in nervousness.

Why were doctor's offices_ always_ running late?

The truth is, there was a possibility that Spencer _was _just late. It happens to people, even the highly regular people. Maybe it was from the stress of the wedding. Maybe she was just breaking out of her regular schedule. Maybe she recalculated wrong… six times.

Spencer and Toby _were_ responsible. After they became a couple, they both had gotten STD screen tests done to make sure they wouldn't accidentally transfer any unknown infections to each other seeing as plenty were asymptomatic, especially for women, and they both had previous sexual partners. And they used condoms. And she _was _on birth control, until a little while ago when she went off of it. She didn't like the idea of being on synthetic hormones for too many years, and she was past the adolescent age where acne was a big issue. She was fortunate that her menstrual cramps so far had been manageable and her regularity didn't suffer, so her decision had been a rather easy one. Toby hadn't minded—he wanted her to do whatever she felt was right for her and her body.

But being off of them meant her body was now open to being a baby factory. And if she was honest, there were a few times, a few too many she felt now, that she and Toby had forgone the condom in the heat of passion, especially when they were having a _good_ night. There was always the argument that she was on the pill, and their STD screens came back clean so that wasn't a concern, but she didn't have that same excuse anymore. No condom and no birth control meant their chance of pregnancy was high, and she was considered a person having unsafe sex.

The idea of sex with Toby being classified as 'unsafe' nearly made Spencer laugh out loud. She trusted Toby with her entire being and the word felt wrong on her tongue when referring to their lovemaking. But by medical standards, that was exactly what they had engaged in, and Spencer felt herself slouch in her chair a little in disappointment. She had never wanted to be one of those girls—pregnant before she gets to enjoy her own youth. She had so many ambitions and dreams she wanted to reach before she got to enjoy that stage of her life, but the Hastings blood didn't save her plan from going awry. So much for responsibility and organization being in the genes.

"Spencer Hastings?" the receptionist finally called out, and Spencer got on her feet to follow the lady down the hall.

She was lead to a room three doors down on the right, and settled in the chair next to the desk.

"The doctor will be with you momentarily."

Spencer nodded gratefully, her mind buzzing too much to speak besides a squeaky thank you.

It was only a couple minutes later that a knock on the door came and a blonde man a few years older than her entered the room looking at the clipboard in his hands that she knew was her medical file.

"My name is Dr. Campbell, and you must be Spencer Hastings…" He looked up with a smile and his eyes changed immediately, his smile sliding into something else. "Or you can call me Andrew if it makes you more comfortable."

"Dr. Campbell is fine." she said with a grimace, crossing her legs, feeling a little uneasy at the way he was regarding her. She wasn't blind—she knew what a man looked like when he was attracted to a woman.

She figured she'd set him straight rather quickly with the topic they were about to dive into.

"What can I do for you, Spencer?"

_You can swipe that cocky smile off your face because I am never going to give you what you want._

"Um, well, my period is late by about a week and a half. And it's not usually at all. So I think I might be pregnant. I was hoping to get a blood test or something concrete to determine if I am."

His eyes, thankfully, didn't widen too much. He pulled out a pen.

"Is your menstrual cycle normally regular?"

She nodded. "Very."

"When did your last period start?"

Spencer gave him an exact date, which proved her theory about how regular her period was since he smiled a little.

"And you're not currently taking birth control? It looks like your prescription has expired."

"I'm no longer taking it, no. And yes, I'm sexually active. And yes, on occasion, we haven't been 'safe'." she answered quickly, not wanting to play 20 questions all day and hoping they could just get to the test portion.

"Have you done a take-home test yet? The kind you buy from a drug store?"

She shook her head.

"Okay, Spencer. I have those in my office. I can give you one to take home with you or you can do it here if you'd rather. As for a blood test, I'll fill out the form for that and you can take it to the clinic downstairs. Both of them should be able to tell you now if you're pregnant or not."

"It's not too early?"

He shook his head. "If you're sure about when your period was supposed to start, and your last one, then you're safe. You can take them as early as the first day of your missed period, and you're about a week and a half past that. That puts you at about two weeks post-conception, so the hCG hormone that the tests are looking for? Will already be in production."

Spencer remembered biology class. hCG is produced by the placenta shortly after the embryo attaches to the uterine lining and builds up rather quickly in the first few days of pregnancy. It's usually why people start noticing symptoms so fast after becoming pregnant.

"Have you been experiencing any of the typical early pregnancy symptoms? Nausea? Fatigue? Breast tenderness?"

Spencer shook her head. "Not that I've noticed. I've sort of been under a lot of stress, so the first two I probably wouldn't have even recognized as symptoms of something else."

"Do you want to discuss options for if you have a positive result?"

"There are no options. I'm having this baby. And I know my fiancé will be with me on that."

He finally seemed to notice her ring. "Ah, well, congratulations."

She smiled. "Thank you. And thank you so much for your help."

He pulled out the promised urine test from a drawer in his desk and handed it to her, standing up to lead her out of the door.

"You're welcome, Spencer. Best of luck with everything."

Spencer pushed the box into her purse, grateful she had room, and left the office with a nervous knot in her stomach.

* * *

She decided that she would wait until she was alone to take the test at home, and from there, depending on the result, she would find another day to do the blood test. After picking up the cake samples, Spencer headed home to play up the carefree wife-to-be whose biggest concern was whether they wanted red velvet or French vanilla for their big day. She wasn't sure if Toby would see right through her act or not, but she knew she had to try.

Maybe it was wrong of her to keep such an impending secret to herself. After all, a baby would dramatically affect _both_ of them. But Spencer wasn't ready to share yet. She needed time to process, to evaluate, and she just couldn't find it in herself to share the burden of wondering.

Toby had been enraptured with playing with Minin when she came through the door so both boys were unaware of her presence.

Spencer couldn't help but smile at the sight. Those two were a pair. She remembered when Toby first admitted to her rather hesitantly that he had adopted the stray. It was such a Toby thing to do, and that cat worshipped him. He loved it in return with all of the affection and kindness she had come to expect from the blue-eyed man.

It definitely made her breathe a little easier about the potential news she might share with him. Although she knew their situation wasn't ideal, she had no doubt that Toby would be an amazing father when the time came. She had never seen him around children, but she couldn't imagine him not blowing her expectations there too.

"Sometimes I think you two should have your own room." Spencer teased as she kicked off her shoes and locked the door behind her.

Toby released Minin from his tickling prison and crossed the room to take the bakery box from her, a mischievous smile on his face. "I could say the same about you when one of the girls comes over. I think the next place we get we'll have to make sure we have a second bedroom."

Spencer dropped her purse into her room, rolling her eyes at his playful jab, and wrapped her arms around his neck to kiss him properly.

Toby, being a man and one who was very in love, kissed her back immediately, but was rather surprised at her enthusiasm. Her lips were almost greedy, kissing him harder than he expected, her fingers fisting his t-shirt to hold him close. She breathed a sigh as she pulled back.

"What was_ that_ for?" he asked amusedly, knowing that was more than just a greeting kiss.

She shrugged. "Because I love you."

If she hadn't moved away to start unpacking the box, he would've lassoed her back in for more of that. After nearly a year together, Toby still found his affection and desire for her insatiable.

He settled for kissing her temple and wrapping his arm around her waist as he used his other hand to help her set up the table. He had already brought out forks and plates for them to eat with.

"So… we have almond cake, carrot cake, classic pound cake with truffle filling, mocha buttercream cake, peanut butter truffle, and southern red velvet." Spencer announced, double-checking their list.

Each of the mini cakes came with little flags with their title and descriptions on them.

"I have been looking forward to this since I proposed." Toby said, sitting down and dragging the first cake towards him greedily.

Spencer laughed at his child-like enthusiasm. She knew Toby had a weakness for sweets but it was still adorable to see it in the flesh.

They began digging into the different desserts, moaning over the deliciousness of some and going for seconds for others. They knew no matter what they picked, it would be amazing.

"I think the almond one is too… almond-y." Spencer said, for lack of a better word. "I mean, almond buttercream in an almond pound cake with candied almonds? Tone it down a little?"

Toby laughed. "I agree. I also don't think the carrot cake is really wedding occasion appropriate. It just feels too after-a-dinner-party."

Spencer looked at him in surprise. "I didn't know you spoke Hastings."

"It rubs off." he replied cheekily, grinning at her.

"My mom was the one who suggested that anyways. She loves carrot cake more than she loves me. But I agree. So that one's off the table." Spencer said, scratching it out on her checklist. "I wasn't over the moon about the red velvet to be honest. I'm not a huge cream cheese icing fan though, so maybe that's why."

"The peanut butter truffle was amazing. I think we should buy a cake of that just for us. Like honeymoon cake."

Spencer couldn't help but giggle. "I don't think there is such thing as honeymoon cake… but you're right. That one was amazing. I just worry too much about allergies, so I think we should cut that off the list too."

Toby sighed. "Yeah, you're right. But honeymoon cake?"

"Honeymoon cake." Spencer agreed, unable to keep the amusement on her face as she put a star next to it to remind herself to order a small cake for her and Toby to share post-wedding.

"I definitely liked the truffle filling one, but I found it pretty rich. I'm voting Mocha Buttercream."

Spencer beamed. "I was hoping you'd say that. That was my favourite. _Vanilla pound cake layered with mocha buttercream and iced in vanilla buttercream_." she read as she circled the choice on her sheet.

Toby smiled, having known she enjoyed it the most out of them all and that it was her first choice. He wanted to get whatever made her the happiest, and he felt like it would go over well with everyone regardless.

"As soon as you read off the descriptions, I knew my caffeine princess wouldn't be able to resist the mocha flavoured one." he teased, and she flung a forkful of crumbs at him.

Unfortunately, she wasn't a practiced fork flinger, so it mostly just went everywhere except on Toby, causing him to laugh.

"Are you sure you were a field hockey star in high school? Your hand-eye coordination needs some work."

When Spencer threw the last of the carrot cake at his face for the remark, she hit the bullseye and Toby made a mental note not to challenge his high competitive fiancée again when there were still projectiles nearby.

Cream cheese icing was significantly less delicious when it was halfway up your nose.

* * *

Deciding on the wedding day itinerary hadn't been a picnic, but was a huge thing to finish, so both were grateful when it was complete. Wedding photos would be done between the ceremony and reception, after the meet and greet with the newlyweds, and was allotted two hours. Following that, there would be the introduction/thank yous done by the two of them. Then there was the toast to the bride done by her father. Since his mom had passed, Spencer suggested maybe asking his grandmother to speak.

When they had visited them over the summer for a few days, Joanie had been adamant about being involved in helping with the wedding somehow, even just on the big day, and it would be a perfect way to showcase just how important she, as well as her husband, were to Toby. Although he loved his step-mother too, he knew the one who spoke at his wedding should be her.

Then of course came the maid of honour/best man speeches. And finally, the newlywed's first dance, and all of the other usual traditions.

Both of them were grateful to get out of the loft after all of that decision making on time slots and timing. They were excited for the big day, but the planning was so time-consuming and draining sometimes. They just wanted to be married, officially committed to one another for life, and all of the technicalities seemed so frivolous in comparison to what the union was really about. Still, it was an exciting time and they tried to enjoy it to the best of their abilities.

Wedding band shopping was a lot more exciting. Choosing the rings they would wear from then on, the ring they would place on the other's finger as they stood before all of their friends and family, held a lot more meaning than what time Spencer would throw the bouquet behind her for the single ladies.

Spencer leaned into Toby as they browsed the many different choices they had laid out before them.

"If I could do more with a hammer besides smash open a piggy bank, and if they weren't so plain, I'd suggest those." she told him quietly, snickering at the matching screw and wrench set. One had a protrusion with threads like a screw and a diamond on top while the male counterpart was a wrench head in the middle of the band.

"Some of these compatible ones are too much." Toby replied in agreement, eying a pair that were plain silver with the inscriptions 'I love you' on one and 'I know' on the other.

"I think the ones imitating a heart monitor are cute… but not us. Maybe if we were both in the medical field." Spencer said with a shrug, letting her eyes scan over some other possibilities.

"Do you want to have a stone on yours? Or do you want something more plain?" Toby asked, figuring they could narrow it down by a lot by that one small fact.

"I was looking for one without. I already have a beautiful stone with my engagement ring. I don't want it to look overcrowded. If it did, it would have to be small." Spencer said with a sigh. "I really like the compatible ones, that match rather than imitate, but I guess it doesn't really matter. They're all beautiful."

Toby suddenly spotted something towards the back that he could actually see himself wearing. Something about it tugged on his heartstrings and he pointed it out to his bride-to-be.

"What about something like that?"

The moment he saw Spencer's eyes widen in thrill he knew they had found their choice.

The two rings were white gold, and sitting side by side they created the perfect heart shape. One half had tiny diamonds, the other was simply indented with the mirroring shape, and they would both look decent without being next to each other too.

"It's perfect. Toby, it's perfect." Spencer couldn't help but breathe, suddenly feeling a little emotional. Somehow, buying wedding bands with him had made the whole thing seem more real than anything else they had done.

Not caring about the other people milling around the shop, she leaned up to kiss him softly. "They're perfect."

Toby's eyes were so full of love when he stared back at her that she knew he too was feeling the sudden shift of reality. They were really going to do it. They were really going to get married. Age, family, responsibilities, be damned.

Flagging over one of the sales associates, the engaged couple began the paperwork. Spencer knew if she didn't distract herself soon, she was going to have to drag Toby out of the store so they wouldn't get charged with public indecency.

* * *

Once everything was signed and ready to go, they headed back to their loft arm-in-arm.

They both were quiet, absorbing the day, but Toby started to worry that maybe something else was bugging Spencer.

"Everything okay?"

She nodded as they entered the Rear Window Brew. "I'm just impatient to get home."

"Oh." Toby said, still sort of confused, but ascending the stairs to their loft.

She smiled a little. "I just really want to be alone with you right now."

Catching her eye as he unlocked the door, he suddenly understood exactly what was on her mind. Her pupils were already dilated and it hit him that she had been thinking about that very thing the entire time they had walked home.

"_Oh_." Toby replied hoarsely, blood rushing south immediately.

Spencer grinned as she locked the door behind them and unzipped her dress so it fell to her ankles. "Like I said, I'm impatient. So you better start undressing."

It didn't take him long to catch on. Toby untucked his shirt and began removing his pants, working on the buttons of his dress shirt as quickly as he could manage.

Spencer was too impatient to wait for that. She yanked it open forcefully, sending at least three buttons flying. "I'll sew those back on for you." she said huskily before colliding her mouth with his.

Toby swore that was the best dirty talk he'd ever received, and he greedily helped her out of the rest of her clothes, his hands taking inventory of every bare inch of her body he could reach.

"Bedroom?" he asked, muffled in her neck as she clawed at his back.

"No… right here." she whispered, pulling him down on top of her on the rug in the living room. She didn't care about carpet burn or anything except how soon they could be connected as one.

Toby was all for her plan, feeling just as impatient now.

"Spence… I should at least go get a—" He didn't get to finish his sentence, groaning as her hand grasping him below the belt distracted him completely.

She began moving her hand skillfully, pressing hot, open-mouthed kisses down his throat as he thrust into her touch. "Don't worry about it. I want to feel you."

Any argument he might have had was completely forgotten as her last sentence hung in the air between their heavy breaths and noises of approval.

Spencer wasn't sure what had come over her. She figured her sudden absolute need for sex was one of the more fun symptoms of early pregnancy—increase in sex drive. Was that a thing? And if she really was pregnant, it's not as though she could get pregnant again, right? So who cared if they used a contraceptive now?

"Spence…" he practically pleaded into her neck when he finally was moving between her legs. She felt so good, everything felt so good. He wasn't sure what had come over her, since her enthusiasm to this degree wasn't something that usually happened in the middle of the day out of the blue, but he wasn't complaining.

Their sex life had always been healthy and active and definitely beyond enjoyable. But there were those certain times, like now, where everything just felt a few notches better. When their need for each other was clear in every single brushing of skin and meeting of lips and scratching of scalp.

Before long, Spencer was shuddering beneath him, crying out his name as her body withstood the waves of pleasure emitting from her core.

He didn't last a moment more, the feel of her nails dug deep in his back and the sight of her losing complete control in his arms was enough.

He kissed her face and neck as they lay there in a tangled heap.

"Where in the world did that come from?"

She was panting and stroking his hair lovingly. "Who cares? Let's have sex like that every day."

Toby chuckled and buried his face in her neck as he got more comfortable. "Deal. But if you ever figure it out, make sure to share. No secrets, right?"

Spencer nodded but couldn't help but glance towards her forgotten purse by the front door, the weight of the test inside pushing on her heart.


	3. Chapter 3

_...the ending of this chapter may or may not spark some major hate._

_Thank you all so much for your support and feedback so far! Means a lot!_

_Spencer's dress in the flashback is something Troian wore in one of the promotional shoots for ABC Family/PLL. Just in case anyone wanted any visual :) For the other things that aren't so easy to look up, I'll be posting them on my twitter in time with the coordinating chapters and will put them under the hashtag #TDBYpics in case anyone is curious and wants to check it out! Some things are purely from my head, but some things I have actual physical representation of. Enjoy, loves!  
_

**I do not own Pretty Little Liars.**

* * *

**Chapter Three**

It had been a couple weeks since Spencer had gone to the doctor's office, and she still hadn't taken the boxed test Dr. Campbell had provided her with.

She knew putting off the test wouldn't change the result, but every time she thought about taking it out, reading the instructions, and waiting for a intersected double line or single line reading, she felt near a panic attack. And she _still_ hadn't told Toby, using the excuse that she didn't know the result yet and there was no need to worry him until she did.

It was stupid, really, since she had come to the realization that no matter what the result, things would be okay. She knew Toby was by her side through everything, so worrying about him freaking out and leaving her or any other crazy scenario wasn't eating away at her subconscious anymore. Spencer just wasn't sure what _she_ wanted anymore, if _she_ could handle the yes or no answer. And if she wasn't pregnant, it would only be fair to tell Toby about the scare, right?

She didn't want to keep secrets from Toby, but would he be bothered that she took the extra time before telling him? She wasn't sure. He was very forgiving, but he rarely was upset with her specifically, and she knew their honest communication was a big reason they were so strong as a couple. If they lost that, where would they be?

"Spence?"

Spencer looked up in surprise to see Aria watching her carefully.

She smiled. "You coming?"

Spencer returned the gesture, grabbing her recently uncovered platter of food off the counter. "Yes, of course, sorry. Daydreaming, I guess."

Aria grabbed some napkins and led the way. "It's _your _engagement party—you can't miss it."

The taller of the two rolled her eyes. "We already celebrated our engagement at the lake house minutes after we got engaged with you and our other closest friends. Why are we doing it again?"

"Well, okay, maybe you shouldn't consider it an engagement party… consider it a we're-six-months-away-from-the-wedding-and-actually-are-on-track party."

Spencer had to laugh. "Deal."

Re-entering the living room, she laid the platter of hor d'oeuvres on the main table. The guests milling around immediately perked up and moved forward.

Toby was engaged in a conversation with Jenna and Emily, no doubt asking about how work was. Jason was laughing with Ezra, Caleb and his new friend from the bar Miranda. Hanna, Mona and Melissa were engaged in an animated conversation about fashion.

Aria linked arms with Spencer. "Looks like everyone is getting along."

Spencer was grateful. There was always a concern getting together people who didn't know each other well into the same intimate gathering.

"Thanks for hosting this thing."

"That's what your maid of honour is for." Aria teased, leaning her head against her best friend's shoulder. "Do you think we should've invited more people?"

"I think we've got a good group. I'm glad Melissa and Jenna made it, and that Mona and Miranda came too."

"Ah, yes, the elusive Mona. Funny how we only recently got to meet her when she and Hanna have been friends since the beginning of last year. She seems to always be slipping through our plans."

"Emily thinks she might be a little possessive of Hanna, want her all to herself." Spencer explained amusedly.

"Is that her gaydar speaking?"

"Aria! Since when did you start talking like Hanna?"

"As she said at our dinner a few weeks ago, with you guys all busy with your own lives, we've been hanging out a lot. It rubs off." Aria laughed.

Spencer chuckled alongside her. "I definitely need to fit in some more Team Sparia in my schedule."

"I approve of this plan."

Caleb came over, having disentangled from the others, and grinned as he walked by. "Planning some girl talk?"

"Girl talk, yes. Girl-on-girl talk, no." Spencer replied without missing a beat, knowing where he would no doubt take things if left unsupervised.

He uncapped his new beer and took a swig. "So, since girl talk_ is_ on the table, what do you guys think of Miranda?"

Spencer and Aria automatically swiveled their eyes over to the other brunette pixie.

"She seems like a cool girl. Cute, funny, a little neurotic but I like that sort of thing." Spencer teased.

"She's insanely pretty." Aria noted. "She'll attract a lot of tips at the bar."

Spencer too was not oblivious to the glowing, blemish-free skin, perfect smile and warm-out-of-the-oven brownie eyes. "How_ is_ training her at the bar going?"

"Good. Really good. She's taken a bartending course but this is her first real gig so it's been fun showing her the ropes. She's pretty easy to get along with. And you're right, she has been raking in the tips." he added amusedly, if not a little enviously. "I try not to get jealous, but I know how easy it is to be helpless around a pretty face."

His eyes lingered on the blonde in the corner who was showing Spencer's sister something on her phone, and he smiled.

"Aww, what a sucker." Aria taunted, poking his side.

He shot her a smirk. "You may laugh now, but I bet you Ezra and Toby have the same problem."

Spencer wasn't one to back down from a challenge.

"Toby! Ezra! Get over here." she called out, both of them thankfully wrapped up in talking to each other so she wasn't interrupting anything.

"You rang?" Ezra drawled, rolling his eyes at the taller female before wrapping his arm around his girlfriend.

Toby's hand slipped into Spencer's automatically and he looked at Caleb with raised eyebrows.

"What did you do this time?"

The other three laughed as Caleb looked playfully awestruck by his accusation.

"Toby, I'm hurt. I thought you and I had something!"

"Out with it, Rivers."

"Fine. I may have made a comment towards the pair of you that suggested that you're powerless to saying no to your lady loves."

Ezra and Toby glanced at each other for a moment, and Spencer and Aria weren't oblivious to the trickle of guilt residing there.

"What is THAT supposed to mean!?" Spencer burst out, even though no one actually voiced anything out loud, her eyes on her husband-to-be. "You say no to me! A lot!"

"Name something recently." Caleb interjected evilly.

She gaped like a fish out of water, racking her brain for a recent disagreement between the pair of them.

Toby was chewing his tongue, trying not to laugh at her indignant expression and to hide his guilty expression, and Caleb started laughing as more time passed in silence.

"Not fair! Toby's just… very agreeable, okay? It's not some superpower I have; it's just the way he is. And we feel the same about a lot of things." Spencer tacked on quickly.

"Me and Ezra disagreed about what to get for takeout the other night." Aria said stoutly, jumping to Spencer's aid before Caleb could tease her more. "I wanted vegan French food, and he wanted Thai. And I didn't get that."

"So you had Thai?"

"No, well, we decided to get Indian instead."

"So you compromised on something completely different?"

"Exactly! He said NO to me. He's not powerless to saying that."

"But he didn't get Thai food either, so really, he didn't win… you two just _agreed_ on something else."

"What? No! That's not… that's not really…" she trailed off, realizing that he had a point and Caleb laughed gleefully.

"Face it, you two. I'm not the only guy in the room who is whipped."

"That night at the club!" Spencer finally spit out. "We wanted you and Toby to dance with us and you didn't!"

"We weren't dating you guys then."

"But it still counts. You said you guys were powerless to a pretty face, not your girlfriends. And that right there is proof that you're not."

Toby had to chuckle at Caleb's scowl of annoyance. "You forget who you're arguing with, buddy. Spencer can and will wipe the floor with anybody who has enough balls to challenge her."

"Well, clearly that's not you." he threw back at his friend with a grin.

Toby let go of Spencer to headlock the shaggy-haired jester and the two rough-housed while the others rolled their eyes at their usual antics. Toby and Caleb had always been such boys around each other, but they had known each other the longest out of everyone. They had worked together a couple years before when they were both living somewhere else and had been surprised to run into each other the year before.

Spencer always loved seeing Toby interact with other people, especially his guy friends, since it was clear how much the ones closest to him adored him.

Aria dragged Spencer into the throng of the party with Ezra on her other arm, determined to join the others and leave the other two to themselves.

Mona immediately pranced up to the guest of honour.

"Can I see the bling?" she asked in her sing-song way.

Spencer chuckled and held out her hand.

"Ouuu! Très vintage chic! Where did he manage to find it?" she asked with eager eyes, admiring the jewelry donning the woman's third finger on her left hand like it was a trendy girl buffet.

"It was my grandmother's. She loves Spencer as much as she loves me so she willingly handed it over when I told her I was planning on proposing." Toby inputted, finally having torn himself away from Caleb and looping his arm around his fiancée's waist.

"How did she react when you told her she said yes?" Miranda interjected from her spot, the guests at the party all tuning into the conversation now.

Toby smiled, remembering the phone call when his elderly grandmother managed to squeal equivalent to that of a teenage girl.

"She was thrilled, but I think the peak of her enthusiasm really came out when we visited and she got to see the ring on her finger. It made it feel a lot more real."

"Is that when you went up for your birthday weekend?" Ezra asked, his arm around Aria as they all crowded around to listen.

Toby nodded and smiled, thinking back to the Baltimore visit in the summer months.

* * *

_ It had been mid-July when they made the drive to the other state to visit Toby's older family members. Toby had managed to get a few days off work and Spencer's second internship wouldn't be starting for another week. When they had called the few weeks before to ask if they could visit, the response had been over the moon._

_Arriving at the cozy Baltimore home, Spencer could tell Toby was happy to be back. A sense of relief settled in his eyes as they walked up the driveway, and she figured it was what people looked like when they were coming home for the first time in a long time. She had never felt that kind of relief returning to the house she grew up in, but she knew she felt it every time she returned to her and Toby's place. Anywhere he was was home to her._

_Toby had been to visit them once since their December drop-in. He and his father had come up in April, and Spencer was grateful when Toby called while he was gone to let her know it was going well. He had been nervous about spending such a long drive with just his dad, the two having not talked properly in years, but he told her that the ice got broken quicker than he expected and, over the course of the trip, came much more naturally. It helped that they were in a place that Jenna nor her mother had ever been to and they could reminisce about times when they were the full family they once were._

_His grandparents made him promise he would come again soon, and to bring Spencer, and finally they were fulfilling that promise._

_Like their first visit, it was Joanie who opened the door when they knocked, and she squealed in delight at the sight of them._

"_Come in, come in! My sweet boy, you need to stop growing up. I swear in the past three months your face has gotten more handsome." she half-scolded, hugging him warmly. "And Spencer. Look at you. Gorgeous as always. And let me see that ring on you!"_

_Spencer chuckled and held out her left hand to show the woman who had owned the ring for the greater part of its life._

_Joanie put a hand over her heart. "Oh it looks so much better on you than in my old jewelry box. We were so grateful that it fit you. Such an old ring isn't resized easily and we worried about ruining it, which is why we never did it for me. But I much prefer you having it regardless. It suits you." She suddenly let go of her hand and pulled her into a hug. "Listen to me, going on and on about a piece of jewelry instead of hugging my newest grandchild. Welcome to the family, honeybee. I knew it wouldn't be long before you'd be a part of it."_

"_Are you going to hog the pair of them all day or do I get a turn too?" Phillip's voice came, his crinkled smile leaving zero room for doubt over the affection in his tone._

_Toby hugged him first, their hug lasting those few extra seconds that proved how much love was shared between them and that they had missed each other over their time apart._

"_Spencer. We are so happy you came back and that you'll soon be one of us." he said as he hugged the young brunette._

_She smiled as they pulled apart. "Trust me, no one is more thrilled than I am."_

"_You two must be starving! Dinner will be ready any minute. And Spencer, since you are a part of this family now, I brought down some of those photo albums from the attic—"_

"_NO!" Toby shouted as Spencer giggled gleefully, his grandmother clearly remembering her vested interest in them last visit. "We're not married yet! Wait until after the wedding so she can't back out!"_

_Spencer slap-battled him and managed to hook her arm around his neck, covering his mouth with her hand. "I would love to see them. And nothing on heaven or earth would take me from you." she murmured to him once his grandparents were out of earshot._

_Toby kissed the back of her hand before leading her into the living room._

_ The weekend ended up being one of the highlights of the summer._

_They celebrated Toby's birthday, July 22__nd__, with them for the first time in many years, and Spencer could see how touched they were to be included in such a momentous occasion. You only turn two decades once._

_They stayed in Leslie's room and noticed a significant change when they went in the first time._

"_We've started packing up some of her stuff. Bagging her clothes for donation. Boxing her personal items. We've put it off for so long, but it feels like it's time." Phillip explained to them as he helped them with their luggage._

_Spencer worried for Toby's reaction, knowing how much time he had spent in that room and how close it no doubt made him feel to her, but he nodded._

"_We can help."_

_And her pride for him washed over her once again._

_When they had first visited, the room had barely been touched—her jewelry box was still on the dresser, her clothes still hanging in the closet, her photos decorating the walls. After their visit, the closet was void of any remnants of her wardrobe, the dresser only had a few ornaments on top, and the walls were only holding a few of her pictures. New ones were now hung, photos from the trip Toby and his dad had, and a sweet picture of Toby and Spencer standing embraced. It had been taken on their last night there, and Spencer remembered it well._

_The three of them especially got lost in memories as they went through her stuff, and Toby relayed many beautiful moments to Spencer. It was amazing to hear him talk so freely, usually not a particularly chatty person, and she could almost see him healing as they confronted it all._

_It was their last day before their departure when Joanie convinced Spencer to do something special for Toby, reassuring her that he would not be upset. They had plans to go explore the town together, Toby dropping off some of his mom's stuff at the donation center and then showing her around the town he practically grew up in._

_Spencer slipped the burgundy peplum dress over her head and pulled it into place, eying the mirror objectively. Oddly, it fit her rather perfectly. She had now seen Toby's mom in pictures, so much of his physical attributes coming from her she swore she had donated the majority of his genetic make-up, and she knew her figure was slender like hers. But still, she hadn't expected it to fit so well._

"_Wow! You look beautiful. It fits like a glove. Just another hint that you were destined to be part of the family."_

_Spencer smiled at the older woman and continued to adjust the dress on her body. She felt nervous to see Toby for the first time, in, well, ever. He was usually the one who calmed her instantly._

"_It's funny how fashion comes back in style…" she commented as she admired the outfit in the mirror._

"_Well, Leslie wore it long after its trend time, but it was her favourite dress even as she grew up. Toby will know where it is from immediately."_

"_Here goes nothing." Spencer said with a grimace, inhaling deeply before heading down the stairs._

_Just as his grandmother predicted, when Spencer exited the house, with Toby leaning against the truck casually outside, his eyes said all._

_She tried to hold her head up as good as she could, wanting to appear as nonchalant as possible, and he shook his head in disbelief as she got closer, breaking into a smile._

"_You look _amazing_."_

_She leaned up with a grin, kissing his cheek. "Thank you."_

_He opened the passenger side door for her like a gentleman and went around to get in on his side before driving off._

"_Where are we off to?"_

"_We probably should go to a church so I can plead sin for my thoughts right now…"_

_Spencer playfully smacked his arm, but internally she was bubbling with flattery. She loved when she got under his skin…or under his clothes._

Down girl!_ she chastised._

_They hadn't exactly had proper… alone time since coming to visit. It just wasn't right to engage in that sort of thing when visiting family. But, they'd be lying if they said they didn't miss that part of their relationship over the past few days._

_Still, Spencer was excited for their regularly scheduled program. She loved learning more about him._

"_I thought I'd take you sort of all over… my favourite park, my favourite restaurant, the place I used to run away to when I was upset…"_

_Spencer had to smile to herself at the image of a younger, pouting Toby sulking by a big oak tree over some injustice like being denied a cookie before dinner._

"_Sounds perfect."_

_And it was. Their dinner together, the sight-seeing, and finishing the night off with stargazing in the truck bed. Spencer had never felt closer to him, never felt like she had ever been welcomed into another person's life so openly, and she swore her love for him doubled that night. Something she never imagined would be possible._

And now, reciting a summary of their weekend away to all of their enthusiastically listening friends, Spencer felt the familiar sense of peace wash over her. She really had found her soulmate.

* * *

After 'story time' with the soon-to-be newlyweds, it seemed like the appropriate time for dessert and more mingling before things wrapped up.

Spencer had spent the better part of the evening conversing with the newer guests and making sure both her sister and brother were comfortable, and she realized she had sort of neglected Jenna, and with that came Emily, since they had been pretty inseparable since they had arrived.

She wasn't really surprised, and frankly she was grateful that Emily had been Jenna's support system through the event. Both Spencer and Toby were a little too wrapped up hosting to be the best partner throughout the evening and Spencer really didn't want Jenna to feel left out or ostracized, since the few that knew her previously were still rather wary of her.

Looking around, as everyone crowded for the brownies and cheesecake offered, Spencer realized neither of the girls was to be seen.

"Have you seen Em?" Spencer asked Hanna, the one nearest to her, but she shrugged.

"I think she was showing Jenna where the bathroom was."

Although she hadn't been paying the best attention, Spencer was pretty sure Emily had been absent for several minutes. She had lost sight of her after her and Toby's story wrapped up and everyone started chatting animatedly about their take on it.

Maybe her mom had called—she was always checking in. Or maybe Hanna was right and the pair had headed to the bathroom, but maybe Emily stayed because Jenna wasn't feeling well, or vice versa, and they had slipped into Aria's room to lie down or recharge. Or, hey, maybe they had something they wanted to discuss in private.

She headed down the hall cautiously, not wanting to intrude on whatever they had gone off to do, and she found the bathroom door open a crack.

Peeking in, she stumbled upon a sight she was not expecting in a hundred years.

Jenna had Emily cornered against the sink, her hands tight on her waist as they kissed with ferocious passion. Emily's fingers were knotted in Jenna's hair, giving in to every advance her companion gave.

Spencer's gasp of surprise pulled them apart, and one look in their guilty eyes and she knew they were hiding a lot more.


	4. Chapter 4

_I apologize in advance for how quickly things in this story progress. I didn't have enough material to make things drag on and on. Love you guys._

**I do not own Pretty Little Liars.**

* * *

**Chapter Four**

Spencer stood stunned for a moment, staring in shock at the scene before her, before her brain finally caught up.

"I-I'm so sorry." she managed to stammer before turning on her heel and heading back the way she came.

"Wait, Spence!" Emily called, pushing open the door and rushing after her to grab her arm.

The laughter from the main living area drowned out their conversation, and Spencer finally felt the shock wearing off to be replaced with another emotion—anger.

"What the _hell_ is going on!?" she snapped at her panicked friend, glaring from her to the embarrassed green-eyed brunette behind her.

"Look, we _wanted_ to tell you… we just didn't know how or when. We wanted to see how things went first, to figure out if it was serious or not…"

Spencer crossed her arms and stepped closer, glancing back to make sure no one was coming down the hall. "It looks pretty damn serious to me. Now start explaining. When did you two get together? HOW did you two get together?"

This wasn't making any sense. Emily working for Jenna was one thing. Emily _befriending_ Jenna was one thing. But Emily_ dating_ Jenna? And since when was Jenna, well, into girls?!

"We started spending a lot of time together." Jenna piped up, glancing to the floor awkwardly before meeting her gaze. "Working late, going to movies, spending time at each others places… my—_our_—feelings grew."

"What happened to that cop?" Spencer asked her directly.

Jenna sighed. "We only went on a few dates. It didn't turn into much. I broke it off when Emily started working for me."

"How long has this been going on?"

Emily glanced at Jenna. "A couple weeks."

Spencer was shaking her head in disbelief.

"Spence, you don't understand—"

"You're DAMN RIGHT I don't understand!" she shouted, before remembering that she was trying to be quiet so no one else would stumble upon their group meeting. She exhaled before continuing in a hushed heated whisper. "Emily, you need to understand what you're getting into here. You need to understand what she's _done_."

"I told her." Jenna inputted. "I told her about what I did to Toby."

Emily was looking at Spencer with her big brown eyes of innocence and trust, and Spencer felt her anger dissipate just a teensy bit. She knew it wasn't fair of her to assume that Emily didn't have good judgment—she had grown a backbone after she had come out in high school. She stopped being so naïve but she still saw the good in people long before she spotted the bad. And as much as Spencer knew that Jenna had come a long way from who she had been, she also still felt she was justified to feel wary about her.

"Spencer… please. I… I've never felt this way about someone before." Jenna said seriously, her eyes shining, and Emily looked at her in surprise. She clearly hadn't been told that before. "We didn't want to keep this from you, from anyone, but it's still all new and I'm trying really, really hard not to mess it up."

Spencer ran a hand through her hair, sighing heavily.

"Look. I can't say I'm happy about this. But if you two are serious about it, it's not my business to stand in the way. I… This is a lot to take in, okay? If you guys don't want a big audience, at least let me try to sneak Toby away—"

"No! You can't!" Jenna squeaked, and she wasn't the only one who looked panicked.

Spencer groaned exasperatedly.

"You cannot ask me to—"

"Please, Spencer?" It was Emily now. "Not tonight. We need some time to figure out how to tell him, in the right way. He can't hear about it like this. He won't understand, and it's a lot for him to digest. Let us figure out a better time, a better way, to tell him. Please?"

"Don't ask me to lie to him." Spencer said, shaking her head. "I _can't_ lie to Toby."

She shoved the bigger lie she was keeping from him and everyone else to the side of her mind, ignoring that obstacle for now. But even considering it, did she really want to add another lie to the mix?

"Spencer, please. You'll shatter his good mood and everything will blow up. Not tonight. Soon. I promise. And you won't be lying… you just won't be telling him something. And really, it's not yours to tell." the swimmer added quickly.

Spencer shook her head, not wanting to listen anymore, but knowing she was stuck. Did she stay loyal to her lifelong best friend or her fiancée? When it came to Jenna, did she have an obligation to tell him? Did getting married mean she had an obligation to always tell him _everything_? And Spencer knew how much Toby had grown to care for Emily, having grown closer to her out of Spencer's three best friends. Emily had even stayed with Toby for a few days during her huge rough patch with Maya. If he found out his ex-abuser was dating his good friend… well, there was no telling how he'd react.

Toby had been the one to instigate forgiving Jenna and moving past their disturbing past, but he also wasn't forgetting it. Spencer knew this would be a huge pill to swallow.

"I will not keep this a secret for long. Me and Toby don't do secrets and I'm not looking to start with something this big, okay? So figure your shit out." she said, a little more bitterly than she meant to, and she headed back to the party without another glance their way.

* * *

Spencer managed to plaster on a fake smile for the rest of the evening, thanking Aria once again for hosting the event at her place and expressing her appreciation to each of the guests for attending the celebration of sorts.

When Emily hugged her goodbye, extra tight, Spencer melted into the embrace with a sigh. It was really hard to be mad at Emily. And she knew that what she was asking was probably a fair request. Spencer just didn't fancy being caught in the middle.

Toby was oblivious to Spencer's guilty conscience as they made their way back to the loft, Minin greeting them enthusiastically at the door.

"I think I'm going to shower." Spencer told him, sending a quick smile in his direction before discarding her coat and heading to their shared room.

"Want company?" he asked slyly, his hand catching hers.

She slipped hers away almost instantly. "I think it'll be more efficient if I go alone."

His face fell a little bit, surprised by her rebuff, and she corrected her throat.

"But… I shouldn't be too long. Don't fall asleep on me." she warned playfully, leaning up to kiss him quickly before closing the bathroom door behind her.

Toby shook off the tiny bit of rejection he had felt and got ready for bed, changing places with her when she finished.

After his teeth were brushed and the rest of his pre-bed routine was done, he climbed in bed next to her.

Spencer cuddled into his shoulder. "Did you have a good time tonight?"

"I did. It's always nice when we get everyone together." he replied, wrapping his arm around her to secure her in place. "Mona's a character."

She laughed. "She sure is. I have a feeling there is a lot more to her than we'll ever know."

Toby hummed in agreement. "Did you get to talk to Miranda much?" he asked, his eyes focused on his fingers playing with hers.

Something in his tone caught her attention. "Not particularly… why?"

"She and Caleb seem to have gotten pretty close over the last while."

Spencer sat up a little, understanding what he was getting at. "What do you mean by that? You think she _likes_ him like that?"

He shrugged, easing her back into his arms. "I don't know. I just saw them talking together and thought there might be something there."

"Why?"

Toby could hear the sharpness beginning to colour her tone and regretted bringing it up. He only had because he hoped he was overreacting, and so far, it looked that way.

"Because the way she looked at Caleb when he was with Hanna was the way I used to look at you when you were with Wren."

Spencer clearly hadn't been expecting that since she didn't reply right away, just sat motionless, blinking.

"Well Caleb loves Hanna." she finally said, as if he had been arguing that fact.

"I didn't say he didn't."

"Then what _are_ you saying?" Her voice was crisp now.

He sighed. "Forget it. I shouldn't have said anything."

"No, tell me. Have we really gotten to this place where all of our friends have to date each other and then switch around like some incestuous pool? Or can we actually have friends outside of the dating circle? Is that _really_ so much to ask?"

Toby had no idea what was going on, but he could hear the hysteria rising in her voice and knew that there was a lot more going on than what he had brought up.

"Spencer, what's really bothering you?"

"Hanna is my best friend, Toby! If Caleb falls for this Miranda chick, it's going to break her heart. And you know what that means! Choosing sides! You'll pick Caleb, since you've known him longer than you've even known me, and I'll be on Hanna's side, and next thing you know we have to change the wedding party and everyone looks significantly less good together and about ten times less happy in photos! And _then_ I'll have to listen to my extended family gloat about how I got married too young and already look miserable, and god, why don't we just cancel the whole thing right now before we get the break on our taxes and have to pay it back in our internal organs!" she shouted, wringing her hands as she ranted.

Toby, normally someone built with a lot of patience, understanding, and tact, couldn't help cracking up at her panic.

"It's NOT funny!" Spencer growled at him, but he was shaking with silent laughs now, officially unable to form words, and she found it hard to stay mad when witnessing such a sight. "Toby!" she tried to argue irritably, but she giggled through it and he gasped for another breath.

"I'm sorry, Spence… I just..." he wheezed.

She ruffled his hair in annoyance, burying her laughs in his shoulder. "I know, I know… I'm ridiculous."

"You're adorable." he promised, kissing her temple affectionately. "And I love you. And I promise, no matter what happens with ANY of our friends, you and I are always sticking together."

She smiled at that and kissed him on the mouth. "That's what I like to hear."

"We should get some sleep." he suggested, seeing the time and leaning over to turn off the lamp. "Night, Spence."

"Goodnight." she murmured back as she lay down properly.

It didn't take long for Toby to fall asleep, but Spencer lay awake for longer, contemplating the newest information they had discussed.

Did Miranda really have feelings for Caleb? And if she did, would Caleb develop them in return? Had he already? She remembered the way he had looked at Hanna earlier in the night, and the way it had sparked a competition between the 'boyfriends' and that had to mean something, right?

But if Toby was right, that Miranda was looking at Caleb the way he had looked at her when she was still in a long-term relationship, that wasn't good. She and Wren hadn't lasted much longer than that night they all got together, and she knew full well that Toby had been a clear catalyst to their break-up.

Spencer tried to settle down to sleep, her mind buzzing with the Miranda/Caleb/Hanna love triangle as well as the Jenna/Emily drama on the horizon.

Safe to say, it wasn't a restful sleep.

* * *

Things didn't get any easier as time passed and Spencer continued to leave Toby in the dark.

She had suspicions that he was starting to sense that every time he mentioned either Emily or Jenna, she couldn't look him straight in the eye. And when he suggested they invite Emily to the get together with them, Hanna, Caleb, Ezra and Aria, Spencer had answered far too quickly that she had texted Emily already and she was working.

He had yet to say anything about it, but Spencer knew that didn't mean she was in the clear yet.

Thankfully, their four friends were over at the moment, and Toby was effectively distracted by discussing racing game tactics with his two best friends. Hanna and Aria had gone out on a takeout run to the local Thai place, so Spencer was completely immersed in debating with herself on whether or not she should just tell Toby later that night or not.

She knew Emily had asked her to keep it a secret, and Jenna, but was that really a fair thing for them to ask? But she also felt they had a point—that, with such a delicate subject, there was a way to tell Toby about it and it wasn't just blurted out. But the more Spencer thought about it, the more she realized that, at some point, it would come out that she had known before him and she really didn't know how he'd feel about that.

And then of course, there was still the drama of her possible pregnancy. She really needed to get that figured out. Holding not one, but _two_ big secrets was about to split her in two. She couldn't wait anymore.

Excusing herself from the boys, who were a little too enthusiastic in their video game conversation to pay her too much attention, she slipped into the bathroom in her bedroom and rummaged behind her tampons in her private 'girly' cupboard to locate what she needed.

She bit her lip, suddenly wishing she had Aria or Hanna or Emily with her. Hell, she'd even take her sister at this point. She didn't want to do this alone. And she knew Toby would be by her side without hesitation if he knew.

But she also didn't want anyone to know about this. She wanted to be alone because she wanted to be the only one who knew until she felt ready to tell. And she wasn't ready to tell.

She swallowed back her tears and read the instructions eight full times before figuring she couldn't put it off any longer.

With a sigh, she pushed her dignity to the side and squatted to pee on the stick as instructed.

Wrinkling her nose in distaste, she placed the test on the counter as she cleaned herself up and adjusted her outfit.

The test would take some time before it would read a result, and the sound of Toby's laugh from the living room made her insides freeze.

No.

She couldn't do this.

Not alone. Not now. Not ever.

Spencer grabbed the test and shoved it to the back of the cupboard, folding up the box and instructions and burying them deep inside her purse so she could discard them out of the house to avoid Toby stumbling upon them accidentally. She wasn't going to be like those girls on TV or in movies who take a test and leave the box sticking out of the top of the tiny bathroom garbage can.

As if the pregnancy test underneath the bathroom sink was a bomb, Spencer skittered back to the dinner party and stopped short when she saw who had joined them.

"Spence! Look who we ran into at the Thai place!" Aria said brightly, gesturing to the two brunettes next to her.

Spencer felt the blood drain from her face and placed yet another fake smile on her lips. "Emily. Jenna. So glad you could make it."

* * *

Toby had picked up on the fact that Spencer looked suddenly nauseous and he remembered what she had said earlier as he greeted the new guests.

"Spencer said you were working." he commented as he pulled Emily into a hug.

She looked confused, but then glanced at Spencer and corrected her throat. "Oh! Yeah, I just mixed up my schedule. I'm an idiot." she said playfully with a shrug.

"You should've come by earlier. We are always happy to see you."

Emily forced a smile at him. "Thanks, Toby. I'll remember that next time."

She made a beeline for Spencer and things looked oddly tense between them. Were they fighting? Since when did they get into fights? And why hadn't Spencer told him about it?

Figuring he could ask her later, he moved to help dish out the food.

Everyone crowded around their dining room table, digging right into all the different options they had picked up. Conversation picked up easily, Aria explaining the different options to Jenna and Hanna, and Caleb when he made odd faces at her descriptions. Ezra and Emily were comparing different Thai restaurants in the city, since both were across different sides of town. The only one who wasn't talking was Spencer, who he noticed was just eating quietly, her eyes on her plate.

Since he had spent the time dishing the food out of Styrofoam containers and into bowls and serving dishes, he hadn't had his choice of seating, so he was about as far away from Spencer as he could be. He wished he was sitting next to her, so he could simply lean over and ask her what was wrong and not draw attention to them. But he was stuck, so he tried to remain engaged in what the others were talking about so no one else noticed her mind being absent from the table.

The food was amazing, so, soon, nobody was talking much, choosing to fill their mouths with the deliciously spiced and grilled food. They gorged on far too much pad thai, dunked forkful after forkful of jasmine rice into red curry, and fought over the deep fried spring rolls as if there wasn't enough to go around.

Spencer was smiling, talking even, but Toby could tell even from where he was that her heart wasn't in it. She had been acting a little off for days, but tonight was the icing on the cake, and he knew she had been acting different since she went to the bathroom earlier. He figured she wasn't feeling well.

"Emily, you've got some red curry right there." Hanna giggled at her, pointing below her jaw line where she had slopped some of the food earlier.

Emily flushed and dabbed at the area thoroughly with a napkin, pulling back to get the all clear from Hanna.

But Hanna's eyes went round. "Did it burn you or something, Em? Your skin is… it looks like a burn or a bruise…"

She immediately trailed off as her mouth fell open at what was really there, but Emily's hand had clamped over it as she blushed a deep red.

"It's a curling iron burn." she said quickly. "I must've wiped off my cover-up."

"How did you get a curling iron burn _there_, Emily?" Hanna teased gleefully, obviously enjoying herself and the whole table was now staring at Emily.

She unfortunately had a point—the pink and purple spot was a little too far up to be a typical burn place. She would've had to be doing some funky hairstyling in order to accidentally nudge against the skin there.

But it was a perfectly acceptable place for overeager kisses to reach.

Spencer looked like she was going to throw up now more than ever, and Toby felt confused why she was so bothered. He wasn't an idiot—he knew that Emily was lying about the love bite on her neck. He just didn't understand where she got it from.

"Are you back with Maya? Or is this someone new?" Aria inquired interestedly, smiling happily for her friend.

"It's a curling iron burn." Emily replied shortly, pointedly, but it was no use. All except Jenna, Spencer and Toby were having far too much fun now.

"I should really _curl my hair_ more often. That one looks like a good one." Ezra tossed out amusedly, causing Aria to smack him on the arm.

"You should really turn down the heat on that one." Caleb added, snickering at his own lame pun.

"Enough, you guys. Let's leave Em alone. She'll tell us when she's ready." Toby inputted before anyone else could add in.

Emily sent him a grateful look and he smiled in return.

Dinner wrapped up and the dishes were cleared.

"I love those earrings, Jenna. Where did you get them?" Aria asked Toby's green-eyed step-sister, leaning closer to get a better look at them.

Jenna quickly pulled her hair up and away from her ear so she could get a proper look at them. "This little boutique downtown. They have the best stuff, tons of vintage too. I'll have to show you it sometime."

Toby diverted his attention elsewhere but Caleb suddenly grabbed his arm.

"Dude. Look at her neck, by her hairline."

With confused blue eyes, he followed the instruction and noticed the fading blotch of discoloured skin up behind her ear now that it was fully exposed.

So Jenna was seeing someone new too?

"Toby… that mark on Emily… and now one on Jenna… you don't think that…?"

But he didn't need to finish the question. The gears in Toby's brain were already turning, coming to the same conclusion and staring in oblivious wonder between Emily and Jenna and finally landing on Spencer.

She had been weird since they arrived. She had been weird since the party the week before, which both Emily and Jenna attended. Had she found out somehow? Caught them in some intimate thing and then kept it from him?

He could feel the blood pounding in his ears, remembering how Emily was being teased at dinner and Jenna had remained silent. It was like those nights at home, when his father would talk down to him about all the potential he was wasting while she sat there soaking it all in with pleasure. Jenna enjoyed other people's pain, enjoyed watching them be uncomfortable. After all, she used to get off from manipulating him into sex.

And who was to say she wasn't doing that with Emily and Emily just was too trusting to realize? Or worse, that she just didn't know how to get out of it and was scared, and that's why she could barely defend herself at dinner?

Emily caught his gaze, and her face fell, as if she understood that he knew now, and that was enough to skyrocket his blood pressure. If he was right…

Toby wasn't an angry person, in fact he was quite the opposite, but rules were meant to be broken.

"Toby…" he heard Spencer's warning voice, and he hadn't even realized he had already started crossing the room to where Emily and Jenna were. He wasn't even sure what anyone else was doing—everyone's eyes could be on him for all he knew.

"Tell me I'm wrong. Tell me I'm reading into this too much."

"Reading into what?" Ezra asked from the sidelines, knowing him well enough to know that he was pissed and that it was out of character.

Jenna moved to stand beside Emily now, swallowing nervously.

"Toby…"

"NO! Tell me, right now, that you two aren't together. That those mirroring marks on you guys are each from someone not in this room at this very moment. Tell me I'm wrong."

"We wanted to tell you—" Emily tried to say, but he cut her off.

"No. No! You don't know her like I do, Emily! You don't know what she's done! You don't know how she masquerades as one person but then will suddenly turn into another!"

"I do know what she's done! She told me. About what happened. About what she did." she said, quieter now.

"You say that like it was once." Toby threw back bitterly, not caring that the few in the room that didn't know about his exact sticky situation probably were getting a pretty good idea. He was just seeing red, and he was determined to get Emily to see the truth, even though he knew every word he was uttering was further pushing him and Jenna back to where they were before and erasing all strides they had made forward in their sibling relationship.

"Toby, I know I hurt you. I know what I did to you was wrong. But I've changed. I would never hurt Emily like that. I would never hurt anybody like that again."

"You told me you loved me, Jenna. You honestly expect me to believe that you're going to treat someone new better than someone you really felt that for? Or was that another one of your manipulative lies?"

He could see each line he threw at her lashing pain across her face like a whip, but he didn't care. He cared about Emily far too much to let anything like that happen to her.

"You know, Jenna, I can't help but feel like you chose within my group of friends just to get back at me. You can date anybody in the world and you pick Emily? Seriously?"

"It's not like that!" Jenna cried, tears leaking down her cheeks now.

"Toby, you don't understand—" Emily started, but he wouldn't let her finish either.

"You're damn right I don't understand. I expected better from you. I expected you to be smarter than to fall for her bullshit."

"Toby—" Spencer made the mistake of jumping in, seeing the hurt on both girls' faces, but Toby simply rounded on her.

"Don't you start. Out of everyone in this room, I expected more from _you_. The one I'm going to spend my life with, the one who it's supposed to be me-and-you-against-the-world, and instead, you knew about this and you kept it from me. Didn't you? I know you did. You've been off for days and you've barely looked at them all night. Why didn't you tell me, Spencer? I get why they didn't, and I could get over that but you? You knew it would bother me but _you didn't tell me_. What happened to no secrets?!"

Spencer couldn't respond, knowing he was completely right to be raising his voice at her right then, and she let the tears fall, looking down in shame. She hated that this was happening in front of everyone, her skin prickling in humiliation but it was nothing on the pain in her heart for how right he was in his claim. Toby was supposed to be her number one; it wasn't an _obligation_ to tell him everything, but she was supposed to _want_ to trust him with all her secrets. Instead, she kept something from him that she knew exactly how upsetting it could be for him.

Toby's shoulders slumped, finally exhausted from his outburst.

"'No secrets'… 'Til death do us part'… yeah, we'll see about that." he whispered before striding out the back door to get to the fire escape and slamming the door behind him.

Spencer understood exactly what he meant by throwing that statement back at her and her hand rose to cover her mouth to stop the cry of pain from escaping.

Everyone was staring at her in shock, looking like they wanted to comfort her but unsure how, and it was Emily who stepped forward first.

"Spencer…" Her voice was soft and apologetic and concerned, but it was too much.

Spencer pushed her hair off of her face, trying to stop the tears from pouring out of her eyes.

"The party's over. You can see yourselves out. Goodnight." she said roughly, slamming her bedroom door closed behind her and falling against the back of it, sliding down the length of it as she began sobbing into her knees.

She knew they could probably hear her, but she didn't care. She didn't care who heard. Her heart was breaking and there was nothing she could do to convince herself that she hadn't brought it on herself completely.

Her body shook all over, the thickness in her throat making her choke on her sobs, and she hugged her knees tighter, wishing they were her husband-to-be instead.

She had no idea where he was going, and worse, if he was coming back.

She heard her friends leaving, the door shutting softly behind them, and another body leaned against the opposite side of the door.

"Spence… I'm so, so sorry. Please let me in?"

It was Emily, sounding wretched.

Spencer couldn't reply, but even if she could, she would've told her to go away. She wasn't blaming Emily—she just didn't want to be around anyone right now. She wanted to be alone.

She suddenly remembered earlier, what she had done before Emily arrived, and got up from her spot on the floor in a determined rush.

Digging through the contents of her misshapen cupboard, she finally produced the test she had taken earlier. Not even bothering to take a deep breath in preparation, since she was still half-gasping for air, she looked down at the tiny screen.

A positive plus sign stared back at her.

Pregnant. She was pregnant. She had a person growing inside her.

And she was more alone than she had ever been.


	5. Chapter 5

_La la la love you guys. You're not going to feel that way about me by the end of this la la la._

_**TRIGGER WARNING:** Character Death. I can't explain more without spoiling. Hang in there, darlings._

**I do not own Pretty Little Liars.**

* * *

**Chapter Five**

Toby didn't reach for his keys this time around. Normally his bike or truck would be his first choice for escape route, but this time he wanted to walk.

Driving gave him a sense of control—being in charge of a machine and forcing it to bend to his will was somehow something that helped get his thoughts in better focus and helped him feel less like he was powerless.

Walking was better this time. Being in charge of a machine also was meant being in charge of something that had the intense power to hurt someone, and Toby didn't trust his scattered emotions enough to be confident that he could safely meander the streets.

It felt better to walk, the physical exertion associated giving him a strong sense of self, and he could walk without direction without running into road blocks or awkward one-way streets. He could go down side streets and alleys and through parks without having to follow a particular pattern. He liked the freedom.

After he had left his apartment, in a humiliatingly dramatic manner, the waves of guilt and despair began eating him alive. The wind was cool and soothed his heated anger into a more manageable place and he could finally think clearly.

He knew he hadn't been fair. He knew that he couldn't damn Jenna to a life of loneliness because of something done so long ago, however horrific, especially with the strides she had made since then. He knew Emily wasn't a naïve little girl, despite how he made her sound when he got upset with her. And he knew, more than anything, that he had been far too harsh on Spencer.

Maybe it came from living a life of watching people slip through his fingers helplessly, but Toby had never been the greatest at change. Falling in love with Spencer, especially when she was tied to another, had been absolutely terrifying for him. But he fell, and fell harder, and it had ended up paying off wonderfully. But there had been times that he thought he'd lose her all together, that one day he would say or do something that would push her away for good, and he feared that he'd be abandoned again and thrown back into a world of existing rather than living.

After tonight, maybe he had finally done that. Maybe what he had said, threatened really, had been that step too far. He knew he had hurt her, something he always vowed not to do, and he hated himself to the point of bile rising in his throat. Spencer hadn't deserved to be the target of his fear-fueled anger. She had just been caught in the crossfire.

His reaction, which likely had been exactly on point to her imagination, had clearly been the reason she hadn't told him the truth about Jenna and Emily. He wasn't stupid enough to not be able to put together the fact that Jenna or Emily or both had asked she keep it quiet until they figured out a way to tell him. Emily had mentioned something about waiting until they knew how, and looking back, he realized things had been a little more awkward between him, Emily and Jenna in the last while just like they had with Spencer.

If Emily had asked Spencer to keep it a secret, something that obviously would hurt him to know, Toby wasn't really surprised she had kept it. He still wished he had heard it from her, in private, so he could've avoided the embarrassment he had put himself through, but he understood more now. Spencer was, through and through, a loyal friend. Her best friends were like her sisters, and, however difficult a request, she would always do whatever was in her power to protect them. Even if that meant lying to the love of her life; the one she promised to never keep secrets from.

Maybe it was a naïve thing to ask. Maybe the fact that they were getting married at nineteen years of age was only further evident by the fact that they had agreed to something as child-like as keeping no secrets, of being totally honest always. Maybe it could only apply to a few things. Maybe it wasn't possible to do when other people were factored into the equation, not if they planned on keeping their loyalty and trust intact the way Spencer always would with her girls.

Toby had just lived too long a life of lies. He lived in a house full of people who either tortured him or believed him to be the torturer. He lied to his grandparents about why he couldn't come visit, knowing the truth was that he was afraid to see them after what happened to him, but telling them otherwise. He had spent so many moments forcing his tongue to form different words than he wanted to in an effort to keep what was happening between him and Jenna a secret.

Manipulating him into sex wasn't the full story; it wasn't the sole reason why those days were so dark. It was the fact that Toby not only had to have his physical state subject to things he did not want, but it was all that came with it—how he had to change to have it happen. He had been taught that lying was bad and was handed a good set of morals, and it was something he had to cross and break every day that things had been happening. And it wasn't just then. Even after it was over, even now years later, he had still found times he walked around the issue in conversation. When asked about his step-sister and how it was growing up or something along those lines, he still found himself alluding to happier memories as if they were the sole inhabitants in his mind of those days.

It was more than just the unfortunate, unwanted act. It was all of the stuff that went with it too. The way he still flinched sometimes when someone came at him too quickly. The way he had had to work his way up to make love to his girlfriend. The way he couldn't be in a confined space for more than a few minutes without feeling the panic beginning to bubble along his skin.

He was getting better, things were becoming more faded and he didn't have memories of those days invade his private time with the love of his life, but there was still a ghost of that there. He knew there always would be. You can move on, you can forgive, but you can't completely forget.

That being said, Toby also knew that Jenna was moving on too. He knew that the girl who had abused him wasn't the same that had come to the party that night. He knew that. He really did. The girl who abused him had enjoyed watching him suffer, enjoyed watching him hang his head in guilt when his parents shunned him, and she enjoyed keeping her mouth shut while he had to come up with the lies. That girl would have never supported him with Spencer. That girl would have never told their parents the truth, broken their perfect image of her for no gain except for Toby's redemption. That girl would never have apologized for what she had done, supported him for needing indefinite space, and surrounded herself with people who knew the truth of her actions just to spend some quality brother-sister time together.

Toby knew they were more brother and sister now than they had ever been. And he knew that, no matter what had happened, those days weren't just black on a black and white scale.

He had shown an interest in Jenna when he first met her. He was an awkward and lanky teenager, more interested in wood and reading than making friends, and he wasn't blind. Jenna was beautiful and knew how to present herself.

Since their parents wanted them to bond, every time they went on a date or to an event of some sort they left them together.

It wasn't so bad—sometimes they did homework together or just watched TV or a movie. Jenna respected his space and he respected hers. After a few times, they started talking more and actually following what their parents wanted. Toby started looking forward to seeing her, and vice versa. She had to be the most unpredictable person Toby had ever met, besides maybe Alison DiLaurentis. The Jenna he saw, though, wasn't mean. She could make some insulting jabs sometimes, but would quickly cover it with a smile or an 'I'm kidding!' and Toby would automatically forgive her and assume he was overreacting.

Jenna had taken a liking to the piano that Toby's late mother had left behind. He knew how to play, but he hadn't touched it since she died. Jenna seemed rather excited by the instrument and tried out a few chords. She confided in him that she always wanted to take lessons, but the instrument itself was so expensive it had never worked out, so she learned the flute instead. Toby sat next to her on the bench, surprised by the vulnerable confession by a girl who seemed to be popular and strong, and he started showing her some scales and how to play easy things like chopsticks.

She ended up giggling into him as she failed miserably at it, nudging him with her shoulder when he started intentionally messing her up, and when their eyes met and she smiled dazzlingly at him, he felt a shift in his gut.

It was two nights later when she kissed him, giving him his first kiss. He had blushed when she pulled away.

"Was that your first?"

He wasn't the kind of guy who could lie and act all suave like nothing fazed him, so he simply nodded rather than lie about it.

She smiled. "Thanks for letting it be me."

He blushed a lot, and she kissed him again, and it soon became the norm for them.

Their parents would leave, they'd wave them off and, once they pulled out of the driveway, settle into a more intimate position while watching a movie or doing some other activity.

After a while, when things started heating up between them, Toby found things getting a little intense. She clearly was an experienced girl, and he could feel in her touch how far she wanted to go. At that time, she wouldn't push him on the matter when he said to slow down. She did, however, often guilt-trip him or mock him about it, making him feel bad about saying no.

A part of Toby, years later, felt like he should've seen the warning signs then. The way she made him feel guilty for saying no to something he had a right to. The way she was always the one on top. The way she was always the one initiating things. The way she started to take longer to separate from him when they knew their parents had returned, as if she liked the idea of possibly getting caught.

One night, after she left, Toby noticed the faintest of marks on his wrists, where Jenna had pinned them above his head earlier that night. She had bruised him, and when he had told her she was holding him too tight, she said sorry and barely loosened her grip. He was a teenage boy, so he was happy to be have a beautiful girl making out with him, but he started feeling a little different then.

Things continued much like that, Jenna starting to listen to him a little less and being more interested in the physical aspect of things than talking and hanging out like she once had, and Toby began paying better attention.

When their parents announced they were getting married, Toby knew it was time to put things to an end once and for all. Suddenly what they were doing seemed so wrong, even though he knew there was nothing legally wrong with step-siblings being involved.

But Jenna hadn't seen it that way. The night he tried to break up with her, she had slapped him, crying, and told him that you didn't abandon the people you love. He didn't know how to tell her that he didn't feel that way about her.

Not too long after that, he stopped telling her anything, and he stopped fighting her advances.

Deep down, he knew that there was more going on with her than what he had thought he knew. He knew that the Jenna who giggled at sucking at piano was the same girl who had pinned him down, just different sides of her. People weren't purely evil—people weren't black and white on the moral scale. What drives people into darkness often is fear, and Toby knew what fear felt like too much to ever hold things completely against her.

He wondered if that's why he had always tried to be so forgiving with Jenna. He saw so much pain in her, more than anyone else seemed to, and it was _because_ of what she had done to him that he saw that. He hadn't asked for it, or deserved it, but he was, in a small, small way, grateful that he could at least take one positive thing away from that turmoil. A part of him had always seen himself in Jenna. The person he may have turned into if he turned his pain into something else.

It seemed unfair, after she had taken so many steps to leave behind the dark days, that he couldn't support her in her next love. He was fiercely protective, especially of Emily, and he didn't want her to fall into what he had—of believing that Jenna was some sweet girl that was interested in romance and gentler things than the truth.

But had he not realized by now that that girl didn't really exist anymore? Some part always would, that girl would always haunt both of their memories, but he had to believe that there was a way to put that behind them. That Jenna really could grow away from that person. And she had done well so far.

Frankly, Toby had no idea that Jenna was interested in girls or could be, so he wondered if maybe that too was a mark of how serious she was about Emily, how much this wasn't just some fling to piss him off or some mastermind plan to seduce Emily and then break her heart. Why would Jenna ruin everything for something so petty? She wasn't like that anymore. And maybe, just maybe, it spoke volumes for what her fear had been back in the day. Internalized homophobia could come out in ugly ways.

And then there was Emily's play in it. Toby hadn't meant to treat her like a child who didn't understand, but he also didn't want her to blindly trust someone he had made the mistake of doing the same thing with once. As much as he could separate old Jenna with the new and improved, there were still times he struggled. There were still times he wondered if he ever could pass the line of not watching her warily out of the corner of his eye. He doubted he ever would stop completely, but he vowed to try if nothing else.

Emily didn't have the memories he did though. Emily knew the truth but didn't have to live through it. She could look at Jenna and see someone who had changed. A part of Toby envied her for that.

But Emily was smart too. She knew how to take care of herself, now more than ever. He shouldn't have doubted that strength, doubted that self-worth she carried, and he found himself grateful that it was Emily who was the one giving Jenna a second chance. If Jenna was in love with Emily, if Jenna felt about Emily the way he did Spencer, then she would aspire to be more like her. She would long to adapt her gentleness and altruistic qualities, and Toby knew that that was a blessing.

If they were really in love, or falling into it, Toby understood why they hadn't told him. It was all over their faces when he caught them. They were happy and they wanted to stay happy before things blew up. They wanted to have a strong enough front formed to hold their ground when they confessed. He had blown holes in their defences, but at the end of the day he knew they were united and he would just have to learn to accept it.

He would get there. He would. He'd have to.

Jenna had supported him with Spencer, even though she was still in love with him. When Spencer had come over bawling after her rough break-up with Wren, Jenna had taken care of her until Toby arrived even though, until then, she hadn't been her biggest fan. The least he could do was accept that she and Emily were together now.

Toby looked up, taking in his surroundings, and changed direction. He knew where he had to go before he went home.

Ten minutes later, he found himself at the two-floor apartment complex he had been to a few times before.

Knocking on the door, he waited patiently as he heard movement inside.

It wasn't who he expected that answered the door, but he wasn't all that surprised either.

"Hi… do you mind if I come in?"

The brunette pushed her hair back off her face and nodded.

"Please do. We have a lot to talk about."

* * *

Toby followed Emily inside Jenna's apartment, nervous to see his step-sister.

To no real shock, Jenna's green eyes were wet and still a little puffy. It was clear she had been upset since she left their apartment.

He grimaced, holding up his hands in surrender, and sat down in the chair across from her.

"I'm not here to scold or yell or pry. I'm here to apologize."

Emily sat next to Jenna, her hand immediately slipping to rub her lower back encouragingly, and Toby averted his eyes.

It was a tender gesture, a lover's kind, and he knew he had to get used to it. And based on how they were sitting, he knew they were closer than he originally anticipated.

"I… cannot apologize enough for my reaction tonight." he stated slowly. "I know why you kept it to yourselves. And I'm sure, at the very least, I met your expectations of your reaction if not exceeded it in the worst way."

Before either of them could respond, he held a hand up to stop them.

"Let me just… get what I have to say out please." he asked gently.

Taking a deep breath, he looked at his interlocked fingers in front of him.

"I know I overreacted. I know I blew up. I know the things I said were harsh and unfair and neither of you deserved it. _None_ of you." he tacked on, thinking of his fiancée. "If you two want to be together, I don't want to stand in the way. You two are consenting adults, you both know what you're getting into, and I have no right to make judgments on a relationship that does not involve me. I care about both of you, and if being together is what makes you happy, then I support you."

"Thank you, Toby." Emily murmured.

He smiled and looked at her directly now. "I'm sorry about what I said. I'm sorry if I made it sound like you were blindly getting involved with someone you barely knew or if I made you feel bad in any way. I should've remembered that you knew Jenna and I had a murky past and that, even that aside, you wouldn't get involved with someone you hadn't gotten to know pretty well. I knew you guys were becoming friends, pretty good ones, but I just had never imagined it turning out this way."

Emily smiled a little, reaching over to squeeze his hand for a moment. "We didn't either. Sometimes things just happen."

He nodded, glad she wasn't seeming upset with him.

Turning to Jenna, he saw she was looking apprehensive, the pain from earlier still reflecting in her eyes.

No matter how much pain she had put him through, no matter how many years of doubt and insecurity, he had never wished to even the playing field. He knew, deep in his heart, that fighting fire with fire was never the answer. That it would never make you feel better. That two wrongs don't make a right.

"Jenna." Toby wasn't even sure where to begin with her. The truth was, his feelings were buried deep and he hadn't fully forgiven her. He knew he never would, and he certainly wouldn't forget, but he had made some strides to try.

"You know what? I'm going to let you two speak in private." Emily said, squeezing Jenna's hand before slipping into another room.

Toby was relieved. Speaking about his past was hard enough without witnesses.

Jenna smiled gratefully after Emily before returning her gaze to the floor.

He took a deep breath, knowing that this was the main reason he had come over.

Toby relayed all the thoughts he had had earlier, about how many steps they had taken forward, how grateful he was that they were getting to a good sibling place, how much he didn't want his blow up to ruin all the progress they had made.

"I know things will never be perfect between us, but I think that the only thing we can do is try. Try to move forward and try to support each other, even when it's hard. You did that for me with Spencer. So I'm going to do that for you with Emily. And I'm sorry I handled it so ungracefully."

"Hey, I wasn't perfect when Spencer came along, and I had much less right. I understand why you felt the way you felt, and why you reacted how you did. I forgive you for it. And I think you're right. All we can do is try."

He reached over and squeezed her hand gratefully. Forgiveness felt like the only thing that could really alleviate the pain of those days, and he was glad they were on the same page about it.

Emily peeked out from the bedroom after a couple minutes, sensing the quiet between the pair meant their intimate conversation was over, and snuck back out with a smile.

She wrapped her arms around Toby's neck from behind and hugged him tight before settling next to Jenna again.

He smiled at the pair of them, seeing the way their hands blindly found each other like they had done it a hundred times before.

"Okay, well, I should get going. I've got an even harder thing to do now. Mend things with Spencer."

"Just talk to her, Toby. It's Spencer. She'll understand. She loves you." Emily reassured him.

He shot her a grateful smile, hoping she was right, and pulled her into a quick hug before he left into the night.

* * *

Spencer wasn't sure how much had time had passed. She had been curled up on the floor of her, _their_, bedroom hugging her knees, Toby's pajama shirt from the night before draped around her neck.

She used to use his clothes as a source of comfort for when he wasn't there—now they were like a taunt, a torture device, reminding her that he was _missing_.

Emily had left after some time, or at least Spencer imagined she did since she didn't hear her again. She seemed to take the hint that Spencer wanted to be alone. And she did.

But that was the thing about being upset. You want to be alone but you also want to be held. The truth was, Spencer wanted to be alone unless it was with Toby. And seeing as Toby was currently furious at her, she had a feeling she was going to be alone for a while.

A knock on the door argued with her, and she lifted her head from her bent thighs in surprise. Had Emily come back?

Maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea to talk to someone about it, but Spencer wasn't sure if she could talk to Emily right now. She knew she was sorry, and she knew it wasn't Emily's fault, but she also knew that she was feeling very broken-hearted and being around a factor in that equation might end with words that didn't need saying. And Spencer didn't want to make Emily feel any worse than she already did.

The knock sounded again.

"Spence, it's me." the male voice called through the wooden barrier.

Spencer stood up, wiping her face, and headed to the door in curiosity. Pulling it open, she was greeted with the sight of her dirty-blonde half-brother.

"Hey. Can I come in?"

Spencer knew she must look like a wreck, and that wiping the tears off her face definitely did not erase the evidence of what she had spent the last god knows how long doing, but she did it anyways. She gestured him inside and locked the door behind him.

"What are you doing here?" she asked immediately, tentatively sitting on the edge of the couch as she watched him carefully.

"Aria called me. Thought you might want to talk." he explained sympathetically.

Of course Aria had. She and Jason had bonded well over the last while and Aria knew how close the two siblings had grown. Jason hadn't been at the party but she had no doubt filled him in on what happened.

"Well I don't." Spencer finally said shortly, continuing to rub away the salt water remaining on her face.

Jason nodded. "Okay."

He leaned back, knotting his fingers and resting them in his lap, and sitting silently from his spot.

Spencer watched him out of the corner of his eye, waiting for the punchline, but he didn't say anything else.

She rolled her eyes. "Is this some clever tool you use to get people to spill their guts?"

He laughed. "Not really. I'm just not going to push you to talk about something you don't want to. I know you'll talk when you're ready, even if it's not to me."

She sort of hated him for being so understanding about the whole thing, and it made her feel even worse since he had come all that way and she wasn't spilling her guts.

"Look, it's not that I don't want to talk to _you_ about it…"

Jason held up a hand, quieting her. He turned towards her, pulling her by the back of her knees to turn to face him more and lowering his gaze to meet hers. "Spence. Think about who you're talking to, okay? I get not wanting to talk about the tough stuff. I get needing some time to process. I get not wanting to spill your guts to the first person who asks. I'm not upset or trying to trick you into telling me or trying to make you feel guilty for not being ready. Take all the time you need. Just know that I'm here whenever you _are_ ready. And if all I do tonight is sit next to you, comfort you with my physical presence, then I'm fine with that."

Spencer absorbed it in silence, dropping her gaze. She knew what he was talking about—losing his younger sister Alison to a crosswalk car accident a few years previous. She had yet to hear him talk much about her, besides little anecdotes, and she had never pushed him on the subject. She knew it still hurt and always would.

"How did you deal? How did you get through so much?" she asked shyly.

"Honestly?"

Spencer met his eyes. "Honestly."

"I didn't do it well. I turned to drugs and alcohol for a while. I got help though, and I pulled out of that, and started seeing a grief counsellor to figure out a new outlet. And it wasn't easy. It took a lot of work and a lot of commitment, but I got through. But I knew when to ask for help, and that was the big thing. And Dean still helps me from time to time, when I feel like I'm heading in a direction I shouldn't. He's a good friend now and was really easy to talk to about everything."

"Dean is your grief counsellor?"

Jason nodded. "He's my age, but he's really good at what he does. Maybe it helped being so close in age, I don't know. He just… gets it. He's been through similar things, so it's not like he's just applying reading to practice, you know? And he knows when to call you out on your bullshit, which is definitely needed sometimes."

Spencer smiled a little. She knew what that felt like, having someone see through your façades. She definitely needed someone to pull off her blinders sometimes.

Jason seemed to sense she was on the verge of opening up, his eyebrow raising.

She smirked and rolled her eyes. "Okay. Fine. But remember you asked for it."

So Spencer told him everything—finding out about Jenna and Emily at the engagement party, being sworn to secrecy, having them arrive as surprise guests to dinner, and of course the full details of the fight and why Toby was so upset. She wasn't sure how much he knew, and it felt good to finally get it all off her chest to someone who wasn't deeply rooted in it already, but the Toby/Jenna thing didn't seem to come as much of a surprise to him so she had a feeling Toby had confided in him about it previously. She was grateful for that, since she didn't want to be spreading gossip about his personal life and she remembered how upset he had been last year when he found out Caleb had told her and Ezra about it.

"Spencer. You know Toby just was upset and lashed out. He didn't mean the stuff he said. He's been through a lot. He's terrified of being lied to again, especially by the person he loves and trusts the most. But he'll understand why you did, Spence. He'll come around. He just needed to cool off, to clear his head."

Spencer hugged her knees now, hoping Jason was right. "I hope he comes home soon."

Jason rubbed her knee affectionately. "He will, Spence. He loves you more than anything. And I've never seen anyone care about each other the way you two do."

She watched his eyes carefully, seeing the sincerity in them, and took a deep breath.

"There's something else that I've been worrying about. About me and Toby."

Jason seemed surprised, no doubt suspecting cold feet or some other hidden fight, but she knew she was about to burst his bubble and tell him that tonight wasn't the first time that Toby could have caught her in a lie.

So she told him. About her suspicions that night he was over for video games, about her doctor's appointment, about her taking the test and the positive sign, about how many times since her first suspicion she had fought with herself over whether to tell him or not.

"Spencer, you have to know by now that Toby would never abandon you. He'll always be there for you. This news would only excite him."

"How do you know?! Jason, it is one thing if we both had established careers and a house with a white picket fence, but we're barely halfway through university! And we've never even _talked_ about kids! And look at tonight… look how he reacted to something that didn't even directly affect him. Imagine how much worse that would be, me keeping something that affects him personally so majorly. I've fought myself over whether to tell him a million times, claiming I'd wait until I knew for sure… but I don't know if I can. And, well, it's not like I can put it off for too long."

"Spencer…"

"And I don't even trust that test! I mean, I left it out in the open, and who knows what the effects of the chemicals in the air would cause on it. Like most people read them right away, so who even knows. I need to get like a blood test done or something…"

"Spencer." Jason repeated, a little louder this time.

She finally shut up.

He looked at her seriously. "If this is bothering you so much, you need to talk to him. And you're right—it does affect him, so he deserves to know. But mostly, you need to tell him, because clearly you need some sort of reminder that he's always going to be there for you."

Spencer ran a hand through her hair, sighing.

He continued. "Toby wants to marry you, Spencer. The guy has tied himself to you for the rest of his natural born life, and you know better than anyone that Toby doesn't have an insincere bone in his body. He wants to spend his life with you. And I'm sure, with the kind of caring guy he is, he factored kids into that equation. Don't diminish what you have or what he is. Don't give up on him before you give him the chance to rise to the challenge."

Spencer shuffled down the couch and wormed herself into his arms, hugging him close in thanks. He had given her the exact pep talk she needed to get out of her own head and stop being such a, for lack of a better term, baby. She was pretty sure her unborn fetus had more bravery than she did.

"Sometimes I wondered how I lived so long without your big brother advice." she teased, ruffling his hair, but there were tears in her eyes.

He kissed her forehead in a brotherly way. "I love you, sis. And for the record? I'm rather excited at the idea of a niece or nephew being in my future."

She pulled back with a laugh, but it finally dawned on her that that would be a part of the whole package. She had only focused on the fearful bits—the rejection from Toby, the expense, the sacrifices they would have to make. She hadn't spent enough time falling in love with the idea of raising a hybrid of herself and Toby, of having her family brought together for a happy reason like her wedding was doing, of raising a tiny person until it was a big person.

"Love you, bro." she told him as he got up to leave, knowing that he had done what he had come for.

He hugged her one last time. "Call me tomorrow, okay? Let me know how things go."

"You're that sure Toby will be home tonight?"

Jason smiled. "I'm that sure about you two."

She rolled her eyes, shoving him out of the door playfully, and she leaned against the doorframe.

"I promise." she called out, answering his previous question, and he threw a grin over his shoulder before he disappeared down the stairwell.

Spencer closed the door behind him, smiling to herself, and heading into the bathroom to clean herself up some. She wanted to be ready for when Toby _did_ come home, however soon that would be.

Once her face was washed, she changed into a cotton nightdress and brushed her hair out.

A noise sounded out in the apartment and she dropped her brush onto the counter as she bolted out of the room.

Sure enough, a man was standing in front of the front door, having just locked it behind him.

Toby was home.

* * *

Spencer stopped short when she saw him, her breath leaving her lungs instantly.

She could see the pain on his face as he gazed back at her, his expression screaming apology, and she was sure she was looking much the same.

Another moment passed before they both started for each other, Spencer running and crashing into him as his arms reached out to wind around her. He pulled her in tightly, lifting her feet off the floor.

Spencer couldn't help but start crying, burying her face in his shoulder.

"I'm so sorry. I'm _so_ sorry; I should have told you sooner. I know how much you've been lied to and I never wanted to be someone added to that list. I know what you've been through with Jenna and how much that would upset you, especially with your friendship with Emily being what it is—"

"No, I'm the one who's sorry. I should've known how hard of a thing that would've been to keep from me, and I know how loyal of a friend you are, and it was completely unfair of me to put that kind of pressure on you to always tell me every single thing just because of my previous complex, and all I did was lash out at you when you weren't even in the wrong—"

"Toby, it is not wrong to want honesty in a relationship. I want that too. Don't apologize for being upset—"

"Spencer, I was completely cruel to you! The things I said were so out of line, and you have to know I didn't mean a single word. I was just hurt and scared and freaking out—"

"I know, Toby, I know. You don't have to explain. I'm so sorry I didn't tell you sooner. You were right; we _are_ supposed to tell everything to each other. And I just didn't want to hurt you—"

Catching the sight of Toby's growing smirk, Spencer felt her lip twitch and then the two of them burst into laughter immediately.

They laughed into each other, tears pouring down their faces, until they couldn't breathe.

"Okay. We've established we're both sorry and may have regretted what we've done. Now what?" Toby asked amusedly.

Spencer smiled and looped her arms around his neck. "Now… now I'm going to try to get better at this honesty thing."

"And I'm going to remind you that just because we are getting married does not mean that you have to compromise your friendships for the sake of you and me. And I will work on not being such a prick."

Spencer laughed despite herself and pulled him into a quick kiss.

When she pulled back, Toby reached up to caress her face. "I love you, Spence. I'm so sorry for everything."

She shrugged one shoulder. "No biggie."

But he knew better. He knew, based on the look in her eyes, that a lot more had happened than a little self-reflection after he left. He had hurt her; he had hurt her badly, and he was going to do everything in his power to make it up to her.

She suddenly took a deep breath. "In regards to this whole new honesty thing, there is something I've been meaning to tell you. For a while."

Toby suddenly looked confused, and she led him by the hand to the living room to sit on the couch together.

"What is it, Spencer? You know you can tell me anything."

"I'm still… not entirely sure. But I don't want to keep it from you anymore."

He simply watched her carefully, squeezing her hands in his.

"Toby, I think I might be pregnant."

His eyes immediately went wide, clearly having not expected that, but they quickly softened. "Really?"

His voice sounded almost hopeful, and she felt the corners of her lips turn upwards. "Yeah… um, I took a test but I'm not sure about it since I waited so long to actually look at it. I have the paperwork to get a proper test done at the clinic. I just… I wasn't sure how you'd feel about it, I mean we've never seriously sat down and talked about kids, and I know you wouldn't, like, abandon me, but we're already getting married so young and we've spent all this time trying to convince everybody this _isn't_ a shotgun wedding and now it will be and—"

Toby's voice sparkled with laughter as he cut in. "Spencer, who cares about that? This is about me and you. This is about our life together, what our love has the power to do. Spence, we made a person! Or we maybe made a person…"

Spencer couldn't help but giggle at his enthusiasm.

"I definitely did not predict this kind of reaction." she told him honestly, rather enjoying his kid-on-Christmas expression, especially after the night they had had.

He smiled and pulled her into his side, hugging her. "Are you kidding? You honestly thought I'd be upset?"

She shrugged. "It's a lot, Toby. It's a lot of sacrifice and expense and sleepless nights once the baby is born and finding a good daycare if we both want to work and I haven't even been on prenatal vitamins so god knows how many potentially developmental issues our unborn child already has—"

"Spencer. You're a healthy person. Plenty of people don't start prenatal vitamins before they get pregnant, and plenty take care of themselves less and still end up with perfectly healthy children. Relax. Our baby will be perfect."

_Our_ _baby_. Somehow it sounded much more alluring when it was said that way.

She couldn't help but smile broadly.

"They will be."

There was a pause, as Spencer snuggled into his shoulder, before Toby spoke.

"So…"

"So?"

"So… have you had any mother's intuition towards whether you're carrying a boy or a girl?"

She chuckled. "Hmm I don't know. We've never talked about kids… any preference?"

He shrugged. "I'll love them unconditionally no matter what."

He needn't have bothered sharing that. She knew that already.

"So maybe we should talk about names."

"Toby! We don't even know for sure if I'm pregnant…"

"Come on, it could be fun…"

She rolled her eyes. "Fine. I don't want anything too common. I like that I'm the only female Spencer at Rosewood High. Rather than being like one of the many Stephanies or Chris' or Nicks."

"Yeah, I agree with that. And nothing too old-fashioned. Or too modern. I'm not naming my child after fruit or a popular brand name."

Spencer laughed at that.

"Deal."

* * *

The rest of their night was spent much like that, amongst exchanging kisses and giggles and excitement about what their future together held.

Spencer could finally feel herself getting excited for the life growing inside her and realized that maybe, deep down, she had been excited all along—nervous, yes, but now that Toby knew she felt so much more enthusiastic about what the future held, however scary. She had always wanted kids, and her ten-year plan for her life had already been so thrown off course, what was another thing really? She had found her soul mate, she had amazing friends and support, and she knew she and Toby would make things work. Anything with him beside her was a dream come true, even something as crazy as having a baby so early in life.

They fell asleep in each other's arms much like any other night, all the drama and pain from earlier forgiven as Spencer fell into dreams with the sound of Toby's steady heart under her ear.

It was a few hour later when she woke up spontaneously, separate from their cuddling, which was rather unusual. Normally she was drawn to him in her sleep no matter what position she was in before partaking in dreams.

As her grogginess subsided, a dread suddenly coated her skin. She wasn't even sure how she knew, but she knew that something was wrong.

Something was very wrong.

"Toby. Toby!" she cried out before she even knew what it was, sitting up, pushing her hair off of her face in a panic.

Toby woke up wildly, reaching for the lamp and turning to face her in concern.

Spencer pushed the blankets off her legs like they were on fire and nearly vomited at the red pooled beneath her.

She didn't need the doctor an hour later to tell her what was wrong. She already knew. The baby was gone.


	6. Chapter 6

_I really wish I could say I brought this to the level I wanted to, but it was just too emotional of a topic for me to bring true justice to. I really apologize for not being able to dive deeper into it, and I hope anyone that has experienced this/something similar isn't offended._

_**Trigger warning: talk of miscarriage/death**_

**I do not own Pretty Little Liars.**

* * *

**Chapter Six**

It seemed like they were at the hospital forever.

The symptoms Spencer had experienced were clear indicators of a miscarriage, but the pelvic exam and ultrasound proved the horrific news. She had been pregnant, but she wasn't anymore. They had lost the baby.

After signing off on paperwork, the desolate couple returned to the loft.

Spencer hadn't said much all night. She had stated her concern to the receptionist and answered the doctor's questions when asked, but outside of that she was silent. Even when the doctor delivered the melancholy news, she had simply nodded politely, showcasing her understanding, and all the emotion she showed was a single tear slipping from her eye.

Toby had held her, rubbing her arm soothingly as the doctor explained the many potential causes of miscarriage, but he had a feeling he was the only one listening. It was clear that Spencer had checked out of the conversation.

The doctor seemed prepared for such a thing, since he handed Toby paperwork reiterating what he had already said.

Toby left the papers on the dresser and went to sit next to Spencer on the edge of the bed, reaching out for her.

Before he could make contact with her skin, she stood up and moved away.

"Spencer…" he said quietly, his voice pained.

"Not now, Toby." she responded gravelly.

She headed into the bathroom, and he heard her lock the door behind her. Something she had never done before while living there.

He put his head in his hands as the shower started up.

He knew she was hurting, that her silence tonight was due to the pain and shock of such abrupt news, but he wanted to be there for her. He was hurting too.

When Spencer finished cleaning herself up and returned to bed, Toby was lying in his place waiting for her.

But instead of crawling into his arms like she usually did, she slipped under the covers and pointedly turned herself away from him.

With a defeated sigh, Toby shut off the lamp and lay down to try to sleep.

* * *

There had been hope that things would get back to normal after a few days, that Spencer would stop pushing him away, that they would be able to move forward about this tragedy.

But so far, that wasn't proving to be the case.

Toby had understood Spencer's numbness at the hospital, but as more days passed, he imagined she'd gradually accept it a little more, or, if nothing else, _feel_ _something_. He had yet to see her really break down about it, and there was a chance she had just chosen to do it in private, but he was starting to worry. That kind of pain wasn't best bottled.

She seemed to be trying though—she still ate her meals, attempted conversation, and went to her classes. He could see how hard it was for her to fake the smiles, how much effort it took to concentrate on a conversation long enough to form a response, and he knew that she wasn't okay. There was no way she was okay.

But he couldn't even get close to her the way he used to, not without her casually moving out of the way or slipping out of reach or changing the subject. At night, Spencer lay motionless beside him, not cuddling into him like she used to. Toby wasn't even entirely sure she was sleeping. He found himself staying awake at night, paying attention to the way her chest rose and fell, the only real confirmation he had that he wasn't waking up next to a corpse.

He knew she was trying, trying to act like nothing was wrong, but he wasn't sure she had ever dealt with something so monumental. It felt as though she was shutting down slowly, as if all the circuits hadn't connected yet.

Toby didn't fully understand it. He knew she had carried around the idea of potentially being pregnant for a while, and that it was a loss that would shatter anyone's heart, but the way she was dealing with it made him feel like he was missing something. It seemed as though she had been more stressed about the idea than happy until the night before things went south. Was that all it took for a mother's bond to form? Or was it something that happened subconsciously without them even realizing, even if they feared what came with it?

Toby was sure he'd never know. All he did know was that he had to do something to help the woman he loved come out of the agony she was in.

Her behaviour was worrisome even with the hardship she was going through, and he knew he wasn't the only one who had noticed.

Emily, Aria and Hanna had made their attempts too, both united and individually. Once they learned the news, they were quick to rush to their friend's aid, only to find she wasn't that interested. She would agree to see them, to go out, whatever they wanted, but she talked about school and mundane everyday things instead of talking about what was clearly eating her up inside. They recognized the fake smiles and didn't miss the way she'd lose focus on the conversation every few minutes.

If anyone tried to bring up how she was feeling or about the incident, she'd icily change the subject or claim she was fine in a tone that made it obvious that that was all she would be saying on the matter.

Toby finally spoke to the girls one night, meeting them downstairs at the coffee shop to speak in private after one of their outings.

"She won't talk to us, Toby. None of us. She's acting as if it didn't even happen, like life is grand and her biggest concern is her grades and the location for wedding photos." Emily said with a sigh.

"We've tried _everything_. I don't know if it's denial or stubbornness or Spencer being her usual Spencer self—the one who refuses to let other people see her at her weakest… but we have to do something." Aria voiced as she swirled her spoon in her latte sadly.

"I know. I've been trying too, and I feel like she's pulling away from me more than ever. She's had her hardships over our relationship that she's been reluctant to let me in on, but it was nothing compared to her behaviour now. I think I only have one choice on what to do next… and I was hoping you guys would help me with it."

"Name it." Hanna said immediately.

He grimaced before revealing the plan he had been forming for the last while.

* * *

It was three days later when the night finally came to put the plan in motion.

Spencer didn't seem to suspect anything. When her three best friends arrived, she smiled and hugged each of them genuinely. Toby knew deep down, that no matter what she was dealing with, she hadn't completely disconnected with reality. She knew she loved her girls, and he was pretty sure she knew she loved him, but he had to say it hurt to see her showing physical affection to them while he got absolutely nothing. Not a hand squeeze, not a shoulder pat, not anything. She still was avoiding physical contact with him, but he tried not to make things about him. He too was hurting over their loss but the loss of the Spencer he knew and loved was a greater grief for him now.

Spencer's eyes lit up like a tiny candle flame when she saw Jason coming through the front door.

"I didn't know you were coming over." she told him, hugging him quickly. She had been told that the girls were going to come over for a night in with movies and take-out but no one had mentioned her brother was coming too.

"Uh, well, yeah, I feel like I haven't seen you in too long." he told her as they broke apart.

She nodded. "Me too. And I see you brought a friend…?"

"Hey. I'm Dean." the tall, chestnut-haired man said, reaching out a hand for her to shake.

But some gears turned in her brain before her manners instinctually forced her hand forward into his.

"Dean." she repeated, looking at Jason for a moment before turning around to look at the four people behind her.

Toby, Aria, Emily and Hanna were all watching her wearily, nervously, and she knew immediately that she was right about what this was, about why Dean was there. She remembered the name from when she and Jason had talked before, about how Dean was Jason's grief counsellor to help him get over the death of his sister.

She glared at Jason, backing up from the pair at her front door. "You have got to be kidding me."

"No, Spencer, listen—" Jason started, hands raised in a calming gesture, but she wasn't having any of it.

"NO! _You_ listen! I'm _fine_. I have told everyone that enough times that it is getting rather boring repeating it, okay? Back off. I do not need you all to throw some sort of… _intervention _for me! That's what this is, isn't it?" she snapped, flipping around to glare at the sheepish four behind her.

Aria was the first to speak. "Spencer, please. We know you're hurting. You can try and pretend like everything is fine but we know you too well. We see through the walls you've put up. Just please consider talking to Dean, or _someone_ about it. You won't talk to any of us."

"I can't believe you guys did this… or _agreed_ to this." she added harshly, her eyes finding Toby's and all the pain she had pushed down reflecting back at him.

It broke his heart to hear her so broken and angry at him, but he knew that ultimately he was doing what she needed. Already she was showing more emotion than she had since everything happened.

Emily had tears slipping down her cheeks now. "Spencer, you're not okay. Maybe you don't even realize how different you've been, but we're your best friends. We see it. You're like a shell of your old self."

"How poetic." Spencer retaliated bitterly, her walls definitely solidified and her sharp tongue coming out as her weapon of choice.

She turned away from her in annoyance, but the way her shoulders slumped made it clear that she was hearing what she was saying and already felt guilty for her reply.

"I don't need help." she finally said evenly.

"Then prove it." Hanna bit back, her fear turning into irritation quickly like it always did. "You're so fine? Prove it. Talk to somebody about it. Tell us how you feel."

Spencer's eyes filled with fire and water instantly. "I don't need to talk about it." she whispered but her voice shook.

"Yes, you do, Spence. It's killing you. We can all see it."

Spencer turned her face away again, not able to look at the ones who cared the most regarding her so brokenly. She was trying to deal with things on her own. She was trying to be strong. But she knew she was dying on the inside. The same way something else had. She felt the loss like it was a part of herself, because it had been in every meaning of the word.

A hand reached out to touch her shoulder and she recognized the roughness of the skin instantly. Her tears increased tenfold. She had been avoiding him the most, and she still had yet to tell him why.

"Spence, we love you. We want to help but you won't let us. Please, try to do this. You don't always have to do things on your own."

She shook her head, not turning to face him.

"That's not it."

"Then what is it?"

She bristled, not wanting to admit what had really been eating away at her since it happened. What emotion she had been carrying around day and night.

The others seemed to sense that she was on the brink of opening up, but the way her eyes shifted around to the other occupants in the room made it obvious that she wasn't exactly welcoming of an audience hearing her confession.

"We'll give you some privacy." Jason said immediately, the girls following him out of the front door with Dean in tow.

Once the door closed behind him, Toby let his hand slide to rub comforting circles on her lower back, stepping to stand next to her now.

"Spence…?"

Her tears fell, hot, wet and sloppy. She couldn't stop them.

"You don't understand… none of you understand…"

"We don't understand what, Spencer?"

"You don't understand that this is my fault!" she finally exploded, bolting away from him like a firecracker, gripping the dining room table edge in her hands.

"What are you talking about? Spencer, this is no one's fault. These things happen." Toby said compassionately, his blue eyes full of agony at hearing such a thing come from her mouth.

But Spencer couldn't take it anymore.

"Toby, do you not understand? I was past the time of a normal miscarriage. I… most happen before people even realize they are pregnant. And mine… it was so… it was the way it was because it …he or she… was so far developed that…" she couldn't get the words out, choking now. "Toby, you know me better than anyone. You know how much I stress about things. And I carried the secret of being pregnant for weeks before I told you! I spent days and nights withholding the truth from you, which felt a hell of a lot like lying, and it tore me apart! And then I kept the secret of Jenna and Emily from you too. And that blew up and I knew it was all my fault, that I did it to myself. And I had been so scared about having it, dreading finding out the truth, and it's like I-I cursed it! Because then, hey, what do you know, next thing I know I'm sitting in a pool of my own blood. Toby, I killed our baby! Do you not understand that? I KILLED OUR BABY!" she screamed at him, sobbing now as she sunk to the floor, burying her face in her hands.

Toby had not been expecting that. He knew that Spencer had a bad habit of being incredibly hard on herself when things went wrong, but he hadn't imagined this.

He could hear a murmur of noise outside the loft and he imagined that everyone had heard her last declaration. His heart hurt even further.

He crouched down next to her and pulled her into his arms, despite her protests and weakly beating fists against his chest.

"No. You're going to let me hold you." he told her firmly, not caring about giving her the space he thought she wanted anymore. He knew he should've gone on instinct more, been less insecure and self-involved and more focused on what he knew about her. She had a hard time asking for help, asking for support, but she usually needed it more than anybody. It had been such a delicate situation he hadn't wanted to break her when she was trying so hard to pull herself together but he realized now she really wasn't able to get through this on her own. She needed him, and the others.

"I don't deserve this." she whispered.

At first he thought she meant the miscarriage itself, but then it hit him. Why she had been avoiding him more than anyone else. She didn't feel she deserved his love, his affection, because of what had happened, because of what she deemed was her fault.

Toby pulled back and cupped her face in his hands. "Spencer, you're going to listen to me. This is not your fault."

She attempted to interrupt but he shushed her so harshly she actually shut her mouth.

"I said, you're going to listen to me." he reminded her sternly. "This is not your fault. This is not my fault. This is _no one's_ fault. These things happen. It hurts and it's not fair and it will never feel perfectly okay but we will get through this. You will get through this. You have to stop blaming yourself though. If those are the reasons you're at fault, then it's just as much my fault for blowing up the other night or for not asking you sooner what was on your mind so much. Or it's Emily or Jenna's, for asking you to keep their relationship a secret from me."

She shook her head. "It's not any of your faults—"

"Exactly. Including yours." Toby argued.

She was finally starting to calm down, wiping her tears as they sat huddled on the floor.

"Do you remember much from the night at the hospital? Anything the doctor said?"

Spencer contemplated it for a moment before shaking her head.

"Okay. He went over the likely causes for why things ended up the way they did. And guess what?"

She looked up warily.

"Stress has not been proven to be a cause of miscarriage. It usually is chromosomal abnormalities or some other biological factor. And it's considered normal range miscarriage up until twenty weeks, which you were not at. Spence, it is awful and it hurts I know, but these things happen. The doctor said that _many_ pregnancies end in miscarriage, just usually before the person even recognizes they were pregnant. I'm sorry you had to go through this, that you are going through this, but blaming yourself isn't going to change anything. It's just as much the baby's fault as your own."

She glowered at him for that, and he had to smile a little.

"I just meant… it could've been the baby's chromosomal abnormality that set off the miscarriage… or it could've been an abnormality in your uterus or cervix. If you want, we can get some tests done, okay? But only if you promise not to blame yourself for the way your body is made up."

Spencer sighed, finally starting to listen, even though her heart still ached.

"Okay. I promise."

He smiled and kissed her temple, grateful when she didn't pull away.

"I'm sorry about tonight. I didn't want to sneak attack you, but this past week? Watching your guilt eat you alive? It was slowly killing me. And I do think it will help to talk to someone, and that maybe it's better if that someone isn't me or your friends or your brother. Maybe it'll help to have an uninvolved third party." he said gently. "I love you and I always am here for you, to talk or to listen, but would you consider talking to Dean? Even just one session, to see if it helps? Or we can find someone else if you'd rather. You just can't keep living like this, Spence; blaming yourself for everything that goes wrong. You blamed yourself when Wren cheated on you. And here we are again, with something devastating, and you're hurting worse than I've ever seen you. Please, Spence. If not for you, then for me. I want you to love yourself and take care of yourself the way I plan to for the rest of my life."

Spencer couldn't help her tears from falling rapidly and she snuggled into his arms, crying into his neck as she squeezed him tight and nodded.

"I will. I'm so sorry."

Things quieted between them as they simply hugged and let the last of their tears fall.

When they got up, Toby went to the door to let their guests come back in.

Spencer immediately held open her arms and all three girls rushed forwards to tackle hug her, causing her to laugh a little.

She whispered apologies to them, moving to Jason as soon as she became available again, ruffling his hair affectionately as she asked for forgiveness for her earlier behaviour.

He shook it off easily, and finally Spencer turned to Dean, who was looking as cool as a cucumber despite the dramatic evening.

"If you're still standing here after that level of crazy, I think I might just have to give you a shot." Spencer said with a raised eyebrow, holding out a hand for a shake.

He laughed and grasped her hand, shaking it twice. "I think you and I are going to get along just fine."

Toby couldn't help but smile at the pair, seeing the light returning to Spencer's eyes as she laughed in return, and felt like they were finally on the way to healing.


	7. Chapter 7

_Apologies for not having enough time/material to give the Ezria/Haleb 'drama' justice. It's summarized here, just so you know what my PLANS were, but unfortunately I could not follow through. Sorry, loves! I just wanted to focus more on Spoby. Hope you still enjoy!_

_Also I immensely love Dean Stavros and am sad I couldn't include more of him in this story. Only one chapter left!  
_

**I do not own Pretty Little Liars.**

* * *

**Chapter Seven**

What had been an agreement for one counselling session quickly turned into several over the span of a couple months.

Spencer was surprised to find herself feeling much lighter than she had when she started, even though some nights she came home and headed straight for Toby's open arms.

Dean was surprisingly easy to talk to. Spencer could get rather lippy with him, sarcasm and wit being a common defense mechanism for her, but he kept up with ease, matching her fire when necessary. She ended up opening up to him more than she expected, the pair of them diving into some ongoing issues that had been chasing her since childhood, living in a family that had high expectations of her success, and he called her out on her bullshit as Jason had promised when the opportunity arose.

She hadn't imagined befriending Dean the way she had, expecting her relationship with him to stay rather professional, maybe bonding as much as one might with a family doctor you see a few times a year. But baring your soul to someone, even shedding some tears, apparently allowed for her to feel more than she expected.

She talked to Jason about it and found that Dean really was one of a kind in the counselling world. He shared a multitude of his personal struggles with her, and had with Jason as well, which really helped set the nonjudgmental tone down. It wasn't quite as daunting to admit your mistakes and destructive behaviour when you knew you were in the company of someone who had been in a similar boat at one point in their life.

Spencer started looking forward to going to see him, knowing that she was gradually letting go of some pain she had been holding on to for a long time as well as the ache from her most recent loss. She knew that was something that would never quite go away, but she was glad she could finally find it in herself to move forward.

After some sessions, Spencer did find herself closing off from the world for a bit, not offering an explanation to Toby but he usually understood like he always had. He'd simply hold her, not saying a word, running his fingers through her hair soothingly to ease her guilt over not confessing what was bothering her. He knew that what she was doing was emotionally draining and tough and that trying to offer words of comfort likely wouldn't be much help. She just needed someone to be there, proof of support, and he offered it without hesitation as he always would.

Other nights, she'd come home, feeling much more in control of her life and herself, and she'd bound excitedly over to him to kiss him or show affection like she always used to and start chatting animatedly about something, even something as silly as her favourite song coming on on the radio on her way home.

Toby could feel himself getting the love of his life back, and maybe even a little more than he had before. He only found himself falling more in love with her every day, her strength always being such an admirable quality but even more so now. He had never believed the need for counselling to be a sign of weakness—actually going and confronting fears and pain was the real sign of strength. It took a lot for a person to be able to do that.

He knew he himself had some demons he had to face, but he had been facing them much more since his life with Spencer began. It probably wouldn't hurt him to see a professional, hell it wouldn't hurt anyone since everyone had a lot of stuff going on, but he was content with where he was for now. His strides forward with Jenna and Spencer both made him feel as though he was doing the best he could.

He considered borrowing Dean for at least an evaluation, but he remembered what Jason had said when he had asked if Dean would be willing to take Spencer on.

"_Technically, most counsellors won't take on a client who has a close personal connection with another they've already seen, whether it be a parent, sibling, best friend or romantic partner. But I don't see Dean regularly anymore, and if we ever need to talk about stuff, he's there without needing me to make an appointment. We're friends now more than sharing a professional relationship, so I talked to him, and he said it's fine."_

Toby had gotten to know Dean a lot more over the last few months, and he had sort of started hanging out with their group a bit. Spencer seemed happy to have him there, and truthfully spent much of those nights near him, making sure he felt included even though everyone warmed up to him rather quickly.

It was beautiful to see, and Toby knew he had his girl back and that the man in question was a big reason for that. He also knew he had absolutely nothing to worry about, since Spencer claimed he was sort of turning into a brother-like figure in her life, the way Jason had. She got along with him swimmingly though, and Toby had a feeling that one day she would be singing the same tune Jason was—that Dean was more of a friend than a counsellor.

Toby liked Dean a lot—the guy was funny, quick witted and a very genuine, kind individual. He could see the pride reflecting in his eyes when he gazed at Spencer laughing with her girls, and knew he was just as proud of her for coming as far as she had.

Maybe Toby should've been more uncomfortable by the fact that this guy knew his wife-to-be in such an intimate way, but he just liked the guy too much to hold any kind of negative feelings towards him.

Spencer was currently out at Aria's, but there was a conversation Toby wanted to have with her when she returned home revolving around the twenty-something man.

* * *

Spencer accepted the coffee Aria offered her, humming in approval as she sipped it down. Even though it was evening, Spencer never had any qualms about drinking caffeine late at night. Sometimes she swore half of her blood cells were made up of the mocha beverage.

"You seem so much better, Spence. It's so good to see you like this." Aria told her honestly, sitting on the opposite end of the couch.

Spencer smiled. "Thank you. I'm sorry I haven't been around much the last few weeks."

The tiny girl shook her head. "We all understand. You've been dealing with a lot."

She nodded, trying not to think too much about it despite her strides over the last few weeks. She really felt a lot better about things, but that didn't mean she was ready to regurgitate all of those emotions right now.

"I've missed you guys though. And I know I've missed out on a lot of things by being so MIA. I hope you know, no matter what, I'm always here for you guys. Even if I do get stuck in my own head sometimes."

Emily, who was lounging in the armchair beside the couch, leaned over to squeeze her knee. "We know, Spence. And right back at you. _None_ of us ever have to go through things alone."

The other girls nodded in agreement.

"I did want to apologize to you though, Spence. About forcing you into such a situation with Toby that ended so poorly—"

Spencer waved her hand dismissively. "Honestly, Em, I talked about it a lot with Dean. And I came to the conclusion that I would've made the same decision again. It wasn't just you I was protecting. I knew Toby would be upset. And he was. But it's okay now. I don't hold anything against you."

Emily smiled gratefully.

"So what about you two? How are your relationships going?" Spencer asked, turning her gaze towards the shorter ones of the group.

Aria took a deep breath, which instantly worried Spencer. But when she noticed, she laughed. "Oh, no, it's nothing. Don't worry. Your wedding party is safe." she promised, patting her on the knee affectionately.

Spencer rolled her eyes. "I was more concerned about you, but thanks for thinking I'm petty."

"You can't lie and say the thought didn't cross your mind." Hanna taunted, tossing a Skittle at her from her spot on the coffee table, where she had been sitting and snacking for the last while.

The taller of the two deflected the candy projectile and turned back to Aria, who took it as her cue to continue.

"It's nothing, really. Not now anyways. But do you remember me mentioning way long ago about how Ezra was hanging out with someone he was being really secretive about? And how he hoped they wouldn't be in town long?"

Spencer remembered the side comment at one of their wedding meetings, and nodded.

"Well… it turns out it was his brother. Ezra's never really talked about his family, not many details at least, and Wesley was at Ezra's apartment one day when I stopped by. He apparently got kicked out of boarding school and was seeking refuge at his big brother's to hide from their parents. Ezra apparently is sort of estranged from his family, and they're loaded, and he didn't like the life he was forced to live when he was being supported by them. So he cut his ties and left his trust fund and moved here to pursue what he loved."

Spencer was rather shocked by the confession, having not factored that into what she thought she knew about Ezra. He was such a kind, down-to-earth kind of guy—it seemed strange to think that he came from a life similar to hers, the privileged life, a life he had left without looking back.

She had to give him credit where it was due—he was pretty brave for leaving everything he knew just to follow a dream of his that may or may not work out. But she could see it all over his face, whether she knew him as well as Toby or Aria did or not, that he was very happy with the life he had here. So clearly he had made the right decision.

"Wow." was all she could think to respond with.

"Yeah." Aria said with a grimace. "So that was a lot to take on. But now I feel like we're able to be a lot more open with each other, about everything, so even though it was intense there for a while, I think it was what we needed."

Spencer felt relieved. She knew Aria and Ezra were a good match. They seemed to complement each other well, and their interests were very similar.

"I think that's the same with what happened with me and Caleb." Hanna piped up from her spot, and Spencer turned to her in surprise.

She had missed one friend's intense relationship bump, but now Hanna's too? God, she really had been MIA.

"What happened between you two?"

"Remember Miranda? Caleb got some sort of hero complex with her and when she admitted that she came to Pennsylvania to reconnect with her lost family, since her parents died when she was young and she only has one uncle left, he agreed to go with her out of town to find him. And, I mean, I love that he's a good friend, but nobody with eyeballs can miss how cute that girl is, and I'm pretty sure Caleb didn't realize that Miranda is into him, but it was only supposed to be a day thing so I said it was fine. But then after they got there, I guess they were having trouble finding the guy so Caleb said it might be a few days… as in _overnight_… as in _requiring a bed that may or may not be shared_."

Spencer remembered the conversation she had with Toby a while back, where he asked her if she noticed how Miranda looked at Caleb, and now that she knew Hanna saw it too, she figured he had probably been right about it. Poor Hanna.

She knew Hanna would never want to come across as the jealous freak, the one who didn't trust her significant other or his commitment to her, mostly because she had sort of given off that vibe due to her insecurities when she had been with Sean way back in high school. And it had been one of the causes for their breakup.

"Anyways, long story short, they were gone a few days, and I started really thinking that maybe I was losing him for sure. But then he came back and promised that nothing happened and that he had taken the floor and that he had only been trying to be a decent friend since Miranda didn't have any. They both grew up in the foster system and bar tend and, I don't know, I just figured they had a lot more in common than me and him. But it looks like I worried for nothing. And now we've gotten to this place where we can really talk about anything."

Spencer smiled. She knew Caleb loved Hanna very much. Based on the way Toby talked about him, he wasn't the type of person who got close to a lot of people, so his enamor with Hanna was something of a rarity and Spencer was sure it was unparalleled from what he had felt for girls in the past.

Maybe Hanna and Caleb and Aria and Ezra wouldn't be together forever, but she was glad to know that both pairings were overcoming such rough patches with grace. Although she likely didn't have all the details of their messier fights or harder nights, she was grateful that at the end of the day, love prevailed.

It gave her hope that it always would.

* * *

Spencer went home after a rewarding night catching up with her girls and moving from gossiping about the present to indulging in their past memories of growing up. So much had changed over the years, so much had bettered, and Spencer finally felt the peace that came with having her life fall into place the way it was supposed to.

Arriving at the loft and letting herself in, she smiled at the sight of her snoozing fiancé on the couch, one arm draped over his face as he lay splayed out in slumber.

Spencer found it too precious a sight to disturb, especially with Minin curled into his side, and she headed to the bathroom to shower and get ready for bed.

Once she was freshly cleaned and dressed, her hair in a French braid to keep it off her face, she tiptoed back out to the living room.

Before she could gently wake the man of her dreams, a loud rumble sounded outside and Toby startled awake.

She jumped in surprise, squeaking, and he immediately sat up and focused his gaze in her direction.

"You're home." he said through a yawn.

She smiled sheepishly. "Yeah. That sounded like thunder."

He nodded in agreement, holding open his arm invitingly for her to slide in, which she gladly followed.

"Want to go to actual bed?"

Spencer nuzzled into his shoulder. "Want to maybe stay up for a bit? Watch the lightning?"

Toby smiled. "Definitely."

Dropping a kiss to the top of her head, he released her to open the curtain by the side door, the biggest window they had available but also the best view of the sky in terms of building direction so it worked out.

Meanwhile, Spencer headed to their bedroom to drag the comforter off the bed and collect their pillows so they could be comfortable on the couch.

Toby smiled at the amount of effort she went to and figured now was as good a time as any to have a fun night in. He remembered something he and his mom had done when he was little and his dad was away, and smirked to himself. He bet Spencer would be up for something like that.

"I've got an idea."

"Coffee?"

He had to laugh. "I'm sure you had enough at Aria's."

She rolled her eyes, but didn't argue. He was right unfortunately, and she didn't plan on giving him the satisfaction of admitting it.

Toby headed into the kitchen to grab a few things and then dropped them on the coffee table before heading to the propane fireplace they had across from them.

"Toby, what are you…?"

But even as she asked, she started to understand.

Toby skewered one of the puffy marshmallows to the end of the wooden sticks they had from the last time they made chicken kabobs and grinned. "Roasted marshmallows anyone?"

Spencer had to laugh at the child-like enthusiasm on his face. Only Toby would come up with something like this. She swore, no matter how old they got, Toby would always make sure she felt young again. And it was exactly what she needed right now.

"This is a total safety hazard… but deal."

Just as she said it, the sound of their appliances droning down alerted them that the storm had knocked out the power. They were suddenly bathed in complete darkness, save for the fire crackling in front of them.

Scooting to the edge of the couch so they could reach easier, the couple thrust their instruments forward to bathe them in flames.

Toby's, naturally, caught fire rather quickly, whereas Spencer had enough sense to hold it back a bit and turn slowly, earning it a nice golden brown.

Toby still stuffed his in his mouth without a care, causing the female next to him to cackle at him.

"You are something else."

Toby kissed her cheek, transferring some of the stickiness of his lips, and she swatted at him playfully with a giggle.

"This is fun." she told him, even though it had only just started, and she found her earlier peace reverberating in her heart once more.

"It is." Toby agreed quietly, working on his second marshmallow with a little more sense this time.

It was quiet between them for a few minutes, just the crackle of propane-induced flames breaking up the silence.

"Spence?"

"Mm?"

"I…"

Spencer straightened up and turned to look at him, surprised at the conflict on his face.

She rested her hand on his knee. "What is it? You know you can tell me anything."

He swallowed. "I just… I know how upset you were… are… about… the baby."

Even just that much sent a sting to her heart, but she beat it down to listen further.

His eyes rose to meet hers. "Did you want to try for one? Now? Now that we nearly had one, do you feel like that's something you want now, no matter what the consequences and sacrifices? I just, I know how excited you got about it, and—"

Spencer felt the tears spill from her eyes but it wasn't due to the pain of the past. She put down the stick in her hand and grabbed his face in her hands, pulling him into a long, loving kiss.

She kissed him repeatedly on the mouth, hard and passionate, trying to transfer the swell of love in her heart into the gesture, as the tears streamed down her face.

She chuckled to herself as she pulled back, resting her forehead against his.

"Toby Cavanaugh, you are the single greatest human being on this planet, and don't let anyone convince you otherwise."

Before he could respond, she continued, stroking his face lovingly as she spoke.

"I know I handled things badly, and yes, you're right, I was very excited once I let myself be. But let's be honest. It was a curse to lose a baby that way, but I have always believed everything happens for a reason and I think that did too. We have so much more to look forward to before we get blessed with kids. I think we should enjoy our youth before we start working on someone else's. I want to graduate first at least, if I can. But it's good to know that, if we do have another surprise happen, that we're both all in. And I love you for being willing to sacrifice so much just to give me what I want. But what I want is you, Toby, and I've got you. The other things our life has in store for us will come when they come. Let's just enjoy the time where it's just me and you for a bit, okay?"

Toby smiled broadly, pulling her into another gentle kiss. "Sounds perfect to me. I love you."

"I love you too." she replied, knowing that the love in her heart kept growing the more time she spent with the man next to her. She couldn't imagine the boundaries that love had and she was starting to realize that there really wasn't any.

It was quiet between them again, both of them reflecting on the luck they had been blessed with that they found each other and so early in life.

After a few more marshmallows, the sweetness won and they packed up the supplies and simply cuddled on the couch together, blanket draped over them and their feet propped up on the coffee table as they admired the designs the lightning made in the sky.

"Can we stay like this forever?" Spencer asked quietly, yawning as she snuggled into him further, her need for sleep beginning to outweigh her interest in the pretty patterns of the storm.

"I wouldn't complain." Toby admitted, his fingers playing with the end of her braid. "Although, I am looking forward to marrying you soon."

Spencer smiled broadly, her excitement for that day starting to build now that she had found a way to work through her stress.

"I can't wait for our wedding day. It's going to be perfect."

Toby suddenly remembered what he had planned on asking her earlier.

"Actually, I had an idea about that… about a change I think we should make."

Spencer turned her face up to look at him, her brows furrowing in confusion. It was a little late to be making changes.

"What do you mean?"

"I was thinking… I had another idea for a groomsmen. Instead of having my dad step in, I was thinking I could ask Dean."

Spencer's eyes widened in surprise but she didn't look upset in any way, just caught off guard.

"He's helped you so much, and he's been a good friend to all of us and Jason. But he really has helped guide you back to yourself, and therefore back to me, and I don't know, I just thought he's been such a positive influence in our relationship that it would make sense. But if that makes you uncomfortable, I won't ask… I mean, I'm not even sure if he'll say yes…"

Spencer shook her head, smiling brightly. "No, Toby, I think that's an amazing idea. I'm sure he'd be honoured. And he's been around our friends a lot and he fits in perfectly and… yeah. You know what? I want him there too. I think that is the last thing to make our wedding perfect."

Toby was so grateful she felt that way and leaned down to kiss her affectionately. He was glad they were on the same page about it, and he finally felt like their line-up was exactly as it should be.

The day for their wedding was drawing nearer, and, after everything, it felt like things were falling into the right place.


	8. Chapter 8

_I literally cried writing this entire thing, and it is packed full of mushy cheesiness, so apologies in advance. This is the final chapter my loves as well as doubling as the end of the series. For all those who still haven't listened to or looked up the lyrics for The Day Before You, a lot of Toby's vows are based off of the song itself. It's a rather close intertwined thing, so credit to those talented humans for the inspiration! :)  
_

_Enjoy! And thank you endlessly for coming on this crazy ride with me. Longer A/N to follow._

**I do not own Pretty Little Liars.**

* * *

**Chapter Eight**

The day had finally come.

It was incredible to really think about—how much they had been through, how far they had come, in such a short period of time. It was certainly true that you never know what life had in store for you, and neither had ever imagined their life working out this way. Neither imagined ever being so blessed.

Even the weather was shining brightly in the cloudless sky, making it feel like the whole world was on their side on the most important day of their lives.

Today was the day Spencer and Toby were getting married.

The last few months had flown by, what with their university classes, wedding planning, and recovery from a devastating event. Still, things had finally come together, the school year was done and both had excelled despite the ups and downs, and they were healing from their loss. They knew they'd never fully forget the pain but they were moving on, which was really the only thing they could do.

Spencer was normally a rather anxious person, especially when it came to something as momentous as being center stage in front of her friends and family, but she was jittery with nerves today. They had followed the tradition of not seeing the bride the night before the wedding, so Spencer had spent the night at Melissa's condo, barely able to sleep when she let her mind drift to what was happening the next day.

She knew that being married was a rather rushed thing to do at their age, even if she would be turning twenty in just under two months, but she couldn't wait to be formally united with Toby for the rest of her life. He was the one—there was no doubt in her mind.

So spending last night apart had been a form of torture, her wanting to share the excitement with him, but she knew that it would only make walking down the aisle more special. She had a feeling he felt the same way… possibly because they cheated and called each other in the middle of the night.

"_I miss you like crazy." Toby had whispered, being the only one at the loft but still feeling as though he might get caught if he spoke too loud._

"_I wish I was with you." Spencer agreed desolately, hugging her pillow a little tighter. "Tomorrow is going to be amazing."_

"_It is. I can't wait to see you in your dress."_

"_I can't wait either. Mostly because it means I'm that much closer to being your wife."_

_She could practically hear his smile through the phone. "I'm looking forward to that the most."_

With everything that had been happening, they hadn't had as much couple time as one might expect leading up to the big day. A few nights before, they both had their respective bachelor/bachelorette parties.

Toby hadn't done the typical strip club/'boys' night since that wasn't his style. Instead, he and the boys went to play paintball, go-karting and laser tag. It might have seemed like a ten-year-old's dream birthday party, but Toby had an absolute blast and couldn't ask for anything better. The other guys seemed to have tons of fun too, which made him happy. They all seemed to understand that Toby didn't need one last night of gawking at other women without guilt—he didn't have eyes for anyone but Spencer and hadn't since he met her.

Spencer, on the other hand, had gone dancing with the girls and her sister. It had been a blast, Melissa proving to be a lot more fun than she ever had experienced, but they had made big strides in their relationship since the previous Christmas and Spencer couldn't have been happier about it. It was one of the reasons she happily said yes to spending her final single night at Melissa's. They ended up talking for hours, Melissa tearfully telling her how happy she was for her and how proud. Spencer had been incredibly touched, the sincere words not something she had ever heard from her sister in the past.

It seemed as though these days everything and everyone was on their way to better things. Spencer knew that the relationships that were mending in her life, like her difficult one with her family and herself, were greatly aided by Toby's incredible influence. Just another thing to love endlessly about him.

As Spencer stood in front of the mirror, now donned in white from head-to-toe, she felt suddenly emotional at how much she looked like a bride. She was about to marry the love of her life, in a few short minutes. It seemed too good to be true.

The girls had been helping her get ready and stepped back to appraise her appearance.

"Oh, Spence. You look amazing." Emily sighed, clasping her hands together as she gazed at her best friend up and down.

"Toby's going to keel over on the spot." Hanna giggled giddily.

Aria adjusted her veil, her eyes moist. "The most perfect bride I ever saw."

Spencer felt the emotions of the day starting to catch up to her and held out her arms for the three of them. Without hesitation, all three moved forward to hug her tightly.

"You guys look stunning too. And I never would be up here without all of your endless hardwork and support. And I don't just mean on the wedding." she told them with a watery smile.

"Okay, seriously, no more tears. I just finished my make-up." Hanna scolded, dabbing at one eye as carefully as she could with a tissue, unable to keep the smile off her face despite her words.

The others laughed as Melissa came in with their mother.

"Oh my goodness, Spencer. You look… unbelievable." Veronica Hastings said, a hand over her heart as she gazed at her youngest daughter in her bride wear.

Spencer smiled, doing a mini twirl, before breaking off giggling. "I can barely breathe in this corset, but I think you were right about the dress, Mom. It really does make me feel like a bride."

She was wearing a strapless gown that actually highlighted her small bust and tiny waist, flowing out at the bottom and having an embroidered bodice. She felt beautiful in it, it definitely the fanciest she'd ever dressed, and she knew Toby would love her in anything.

"You look beautiful, Spence. It's just about time. I thought we should get the girls in order." Melissa told her, squeezing her hand.

Spencer squeezed back and nodded, wiping under her eyes. "Thanks, Melissa. I'll uh… see you guys out there."

The other three sent her smiles and blew kisses before leaving the room, Aria handing her her bouquet before she left.

Spencer took a few deep breaths, now alone in her dressing room, when there was a knock at the door.

Turning, she spotted a familiar face and her own broke into a broad smile.

"I was hoping you'd stop by."

Jason smiled. "You make one beautiful bride, sis. Toby's going to pass out."

She laughed, coming down off her pedestal and pulling him into a hug. "You look rather dashing yourself."

The boys were all dressed in tuxes, accompanied with a dark purple vest and bowtie. It looked rather sophisticated and would really look incredible with the girls' bridesmaid dresses.

"I just wanted to wish you luck and tell you not to think too much. I've known pretty much since you bought that truck off me that you and Toby were in it for the long haul, but once I got to know you both, there was no denying. Don't think about the people in the audience—just remember what today is really about."

Spencer nodded, exhaling slowly, trying to let go of her nerves in the process. She knew there was going to be a lot of eyes on her, which was reason enough to be nervous, but to declare such intimate love to Toby in front of them was even more daunting. But Jason was right—she needn't care about the others. She only cared that Toby knew how she truly felt about him, why she was so adamant about being with him for the rest of her life, and that was the most important thing.

"Thank you, Jason. I know I don't get mushy with you much, but I'm really glad you moved here to find your sisters. I'm so lucky to have you. I love you, bro."

She tried to control the moisture in her eyes but it was hard. Jason, too, looked rather misty-eyed at her confession and pulled her into a long hug.

"I love you too, Spence." he whispered back, his voice a little shaky, and she knew she had struck an emotional cord with him.

Dammit, wedding days were emotional for everyone.

"All right. Go out there and make sure Toby doesn't lose his head. He's worse about these sorts of things than I am."

Jason laughed. "Okay. See you out there."

Spencer nodded and waved him off, stepping back in front of the mirror.

Another knock sounded. Her stomach clenched. It was probably her dad, coming to get her to walk her down the aisle. Was it time already?!

Instead, another brunette man walked inside, a smile gracing his handsome face.

Spencer couldn't help her lips from stretching into a smile. "Dean."

"Hey. Sorry to intrude. I know it's an emotional day, and based on how everyone looks after walking out of here, I'm starting to think this room is cursed."

She laughed, unable to help it, and shrugged. "They're all just wusses."

He chuckled at that, not missing the way her own eyes were wet and knowing she was just being her usual sarcastic self.

"Since this is the one day I can get away with being super cheesy, I figured it was a good time to talk to you about how proud I am of you for all your progress."

Spencer took a deep breath, preparing for the waterworks, and Dean smiled as he stepped forward.

"I'm not just saying that either, and I don't just mean it as your counsellor. You've been dealt a rough hand, whether people on the outside see that or not, and I see how much you put on your shoulders, how much you try to take care of others and carry their burdens for them. But you've been working so hard, learning how to put yourself and your needs first, and I think it's remarkable the difference in you since day one. Just seeing you standing here today, and soon in front of the ones you love taking a step into your new life… I just want you to know that you _do_ deserve this. You deserve this more than anybody. And I hope you're at a place now where you can see that. And I'm really honoured to not only get to witness it today, but to be a part of it. So thank you. Thank you for being a handful of a client, because you definitely have kept me on my toes the last few months."

Spencer had to giggle, although his confession had made tears track down her face.

"Thank you for reminding me why I do what I do. And thank you for letting me into your life and being a friend. I just want you to know, even if our sessions get further apart or disappear altogether, know that you can call me anytime, 24/7, and I'll be there for you. Not because I'm your counsellor, but because I'm your friend."

Spencer rushed forward to throw her arms around his neck, squeezing him in gratitude.

"You've given me so much… helped me so much, in ways I didn't even know I needed help. So thank _you_. I'm so grateful and honoured to have _you_ be a part of today and a part of my life. And I hope our friendship makes the long haul like I have no doubt that it will."

He kissed her cheek in a brotherly manner and pulled back with a smile.

"I have no doubt either. Go out there and knock 'em dead, Spence."

She nodded, wiping the last of her tears away and making sure her make-up was still intact. Just as Dean headed out of the door, her father stepped in the doorway.

He let out a low whistle. "Remind me why I'm letting you go?"

Spencer took his hand. "Because I'm always going to be your little girl, no matter where I go or how old I get."

She saw him brush the corner of his eye subtly. "Good answer." he replied gruffly, leading her down the hall.

When they reached the end of the long corridor, Spencer took a deep breath.

The string quartet sounded, beginning the wedding march, and her father pushed open the double doors.

There were the scraping of chairs as everyone stood and turned towards her, and Spencer forced a nervous smile as she began walking in a steady pace down the stone steps and aisle, her arm linked with her father's.

They had agreed to get married at a beautiful mansion, the courtyard perfect for what they wanted for reception and a lake not too far off that would make an excellent spot for photos in-between. Spencer was descending down the marble stairs towards the perfectly laid out backyard and, of course, her soon-to-be husband.

When she reached the bottom and began making her way up the flat ground, her eyes swerved from smiling at various guests to locking on Toby.

His eyes said it all. He looked breathless already, Caleb squeezing his shoulder supportively while her entire wedding party beamed at her.

Spencer really couldn't imagine finding a better group to be a part of her wedding, feeling the waves of love and support being fired her way from every member that stood at the front.

Toby stepped forward when they finally made it to the end, holding out an arm as Peter announced his 'giving away of the bride'. Spencer kissed her father's cheek before placing a hand on Toby's arm, letting him guide her to the proper position and then standing opposite of him.

Aria moved forward to adjust Spencer's dress on the ground perfectly before taking her bouquet and stepping back into position.

Toby's hand slid down to interlace their fingers, his eyes dancing with excitement and bliss she had never seen in them before.

Her heart felt like it was going to burst out of her chest, the length of time it had been since she had seen him seeming much greater than a mere twenty-four hours, and she tried to pay attention to what the Justice of the Peace was saying as he introduced the wedding properly.

She couldn't help squeezing his hand a little, feeling the odd urge to jump up and down next to him, and the light brushing of his thumb over the back of her hand made her lip tremble. She couldn't believe they were here, that this had really worked out.

After dealing with Jenna's craziness, Wren's betrayal, their best friends' love life drama, their screwed up families, Jenna and Emily's surprise relationship, and the most recent devastation, it seemed insane that they had pulled through all of that; instead of bruised and battered, they were taller and stronger than ever.

"You may now exchange your vows."

Spencer felt emotional already, and she had told Toby before the wedding that she would have to go first, since after his she knew she'd be a wreck.

He had laughed and agreed, and now gave her a small encouraging nod, his blue eyes full of love and warmth.

She corrected her throat, accepting the microphone from the JP since it was such a large crowd and she knew as well as anybody that her voice wasn't going to carry through to them all, especially with her emotions clogging her throat.

"Toby." Her voice was already shaking but her face was stretched in a huge smile and she willed herself to hold it together. "My best friend. My love. My prince. My everything."

Dammit. She was not going to be able to hold it together.

She breathed in deeply. "When I first met you, I knew you were special. We met in the most cliché way, but our friendship and everything since has been anything but ordinary. Even as my friend, you were someone who was constantly blowing my expectations out of the water. Your selflessness and honest caring and unconditional love were something I had never seen a person give so much of, and I fell in love with more than just you the more I spent time with you. You have a strength that most people can't touch on, a heart of gold that has the ability to transform the world, and I constantly thank my lucky stars that I found you. You make me want to be better, so therefore you make me better, and as much as I'm in love with you, you've also given me something I never imagined—you helped me fall in love with myself. I'm a better person when I'm with you. You inspire me to believe in myself, to believe in the good in others, and to not put limits on what I can achieve. You've taught me the true art of forgiveness and unconditional love, and I will forever be indebted to the lessons you continue to teach me about what life truly is about. I love you. I will always love you. You're my soul mate. And I am so excited that it's you I get to wake up next to and take on the world with every day from now on. I promise to always love and support you, to treasure you and our life together, and to never lose hope in what we, as a team, can achieve."

She was crying by the end, but she was pretty sure her words were still tangible in the mess, and Toby's tight squeeze on her hands made her realize how hard of a time he was holding back from kissing her right then. She slid the ring on his finger, trying desperately to slow her tears and put on a brave face, and loving that her coordinating ring would soon sit on her matching hand.

He coughed to clear his throat, unconsciously reaching out to brush away her tears. He could hear the amount of sniffling coming not just from the guests but the wedding party, and pushed forward, knowing it was now or never.

"Spencer. You are, without a doubt, the greatest blessing my life has ever given me. When I met you, I had already given up on ever finding someone who I could fall for the way I have fallen hopelessly in love with you. I was ready to settle for a certain life, void of the love and beauty you have brought into mine. I didn't think that was a life that was possible for me, but then I met you. You say I've taught you what life truly means, but you _gave_ meaning to my life. I see endless possibilities and forever with you. The pain and struggles I went through before I met you feel as though they are the reasons I deserve you and stand next to you now, as your partner. You've brought more than love and beauty to my life—you've been a huge stepping stone in bringing family back into my life, of bringing new friends that I never imagined deserving before, and showing me that there is light after a storm. You've helped me find inner strength and believe in myself even in the toughest of times, and your endless love and support and courage only inspires me more and more every day to be the man you deserve. I love you more than I could ever put into words. You're my best friend, my queen, my angel. You show me every day the absolute limitlessness of love, and I look forward to continuing that tradition and tackling on all the future has in store for us. I know with you by my side, we and our love can do absolutely anything. I promise to take care of you, to honour you, to cherish you, through all that life throws at us. I promise this from my heart, for all the days of my life."

He was grateful he hadn't planned to say more, since his voice gave out right on cue, even though frankly he knew he could go on for hours. Standing there, in front of everyone, with Spencer looking at him like he was the sun after an age in darkness, he felt his love for her increase tenfold.

He slid the diamond-studded ring onto the third finger of her left hand, nestling it next to his grandmother's ring.

The man in front of them continued his spiel.

"Then, by the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."

Expecting something much less dramatic, Spencer squeaked in surprise when Toby suddenly grabbed her and dipped her, kissing her enthusiastically on the mouth while everyone broke out into screaming cheers of joy and celebration.

Her hands wrapped around his neck, tangling into his hair as he kissed her lovingly over and over again, and they broke apart with grins on their faces.

"I love you so much."

Her eyes leaked tears as she beamed back at him. "I wanted to say that first."

They straightened up and everyone was still on their feet cheering, and Spencer collapsed against him in giggles at everyone's enthusiasm. Her family was full of such proper and sophisticated people… it was so odd to see them so carefree. Weddings certainly brought out some weird emotions in people.

"Please welcome to the world the newly dubbed Mr. and Mrs. Cavanaugh."

Spencer linked arms with Toby, beaming brightly at everyone as they made their way down the aisle.

Their friends followed behind them in pairs, screaming out cheers when they felt it appropriate, and the married pair couldn't help laughing in absolute bliss.

They led the way out of the makeshift chapel and didn't release each other as they made their first steps into their new life.

* * *

_The End_

* * *

_So there it is! That's all she wrote._

_Or, technically, I wrote, but I'm a she so..._

_ANYWAYS_

_I have responded to a few reviews over the course of this story, but I wanted to take this time to explain certain things that may have been unclear or may have been controversial or whatnot._

_Toby's blow-up in chapter four. I felt like some people might find this a little OOC, at least his harshness to Spencer, but I felt like making him react like this was really crucial. He's been this forgiving beacon of light and I feel like that's a lot easier when he's not having Jenna right in his face or involved in his life. So having her start DATING someone he's close to really rattled his system and made him realize how not okay with her and what happened he still isn't. So he lashed out, because all of that pain and fear just was too much. But mostly? I felt it was a good reminder that Spencer and Toby? Are 19 and 20 years old. They are still very young. And even though I write them with a mature side to their relationship, I felt it's really important to remind the audience and even themselves that they're NOT perfect and they'll still say some childish/immature/petty things even if they don't mean it and that what is really special about them (unlike other teen relationships) is that they have the maturity and commitment to get through those things and forgive each other. That's what we've really seen on the show._

_Jenna and Emily dating. I actually thought you guys would lose your minds and scream and rant about how she's unforgivable and awful etc. I've actually been building up to this for the past two stories. I was involved in a tumblr rp last year where I played Emily and another very talented girl played Jenna and we were with a Spencer and Toby so we naturally migrated to interacting more and soon they became friends and gradually fell in love. I felt like this wasn't that farfetched, because on the show Emily watches Jenna dance and I've always felt like Jenna has been more drawn to Emily than the others, or at least they have more interactions, and I've always found their dynamic interesting. So I wanted to write it and honestly I wish I could've explored it more but it's a Spoby story so I left it as little as it was for a reason._

_Spencer's miscarriage. This one I expected a lot of hate for. I expected a lot of people to go NOPE and stop reading. I know a lot of people requested a Spoby baby/pregnancy, but I had never wanted to tackle that storyline because SO many other people on this site already have. I did, however, want to explore it a little bit, and as much as it hurt to put my loves through that, I felt like it was the best thing to do. I personally haven't seen that done on fanfiction yet, whether because we come here for happiness from the show or whether I just haven't found those stories, but it was something I wanted to do. I have Spencer and Toby being 19/20 in this and with their whole lives ahead and they really haven't been together alone very long. I didn't feel it was the right time to bring in another member to their family. They can do that later in life. So I did what I did because it happens to people. It happens to people a lot. It happens to people without them even realizing. And as much as I did it to add angst, I more so did it because I want to write realistic stories. I don't want to write perfect stories. I don't want to write stories with a perfectly happy fairytale endings. I want to write stories that make you feel something and I want to write stories that open your eyes to new ideas and I want to write stories that fit in with real life. This series overall has been rather easygoing and gentle and it had been my plan all along to do something much darker and different with the final installment. So I did. And I'm sorry for anyone who was immensely bothered by this. But as I said, these things happen. And just because nobody thinks it will happen to yourself or certain people, doesn't mean it won't. Life doesn't really discriminate when it comes to being cruel._

_I imagined more people would be upset with me introducing Miranda into the story, which is understandable since I know a lot of people hated the idea of Ravenswood. The truth is, she was on PLL and she was a drama for Haleb so I felt it fitting. I used her as the 'Haleb drama' (which sadly didn't work out) but she was never meant to break them up. None of the couples were going to break up this story. I did that in FCAF and that was all I planned in regards to break ups to be honest. Long term relationship break-ups are not as easy to write justifiably as people may think, so I always try not to do them unless I can make it happen for a legitimate reason that doesn't have to do with petty things._

_Also I wanted to do a lot more things-I wanted more Jemily and the others' reactions/showing that it wasn't just Toby having a hard time with it, more of the girls being best friends, I wanted more Spason (because I seriously love Spason sibling scenes so much), I wanted to feature a Dean counselling session (have I mentioned I love Dean Stavros more than makes sense because I do) but I had done that in a Spoby one-shot on tumblr and felt it would come off too repetitive. Plus it didn't really fit in with the pace of things. I also wanted to have a day with all the couples again, I considered doing an epilogue down the road when they ACTUALLY have kids and whatnot but decided I didn't have enough material, and generally had a lot more hope for inspiration than I received. And I would've liked to feature more tweaked scenes from the show, but since I don't watch it anymore and this universe has spun off far from the series, it makes it difficult to incorporate scenes that make sense. So my apologies for that._

_ALL OF THAT ASIDE, I cannot believe how well this story went over. I know some of you are sad it's so short, and trust me I am too, but I literally squeezed every last droplet of inspiration for my muse and this is all that it came up with. After so many months of pouring over this story, trying to figure things out, I felt enough time had passed and that I would have to just suck it up and make it a short one._

_To my utmost surprise, I got no hate sent in my direction. I had people justifiably upset about certain things, but in the way I hoped, where they still were eager for more, eager to see Spoby make up or to see how they would deal with the baby's loss, etc. For that, I cannot thank you enough. I went into this preparing to get lashed at, and it is really gratifying being proven wrong._

_FINALLY - I cannot thank all of you enough. As I mentioned previously at one time or another, I believe this to be my last PLL story ever. I've written for a couple other fandoms, but never have I received such warmth and generosity and loyalty as I have from this one. This story came out a year and a half after my other one finished, and yet I see many of you are still here. And the support and patience and sweetness will forever be treasured, I can promise you that. I've made friends in this fandom that cannot be replaced and are too special for words, and you readers are honest to god the lights of my life. I appreciate each and every one of you so much. Thank you for all that you have given me, whether it be your time, your support, your kind words, or your friendship, just know that I will always be grateful for the time I spent writing for this group. You truly are wonderful and I hope you stay that way. I've had my negative run-ins over the years, plenty more than I could even list, but the reason I stayed as long as I did was because you guys are worth it. The ones who don't treat me like a writing factory, the ones who don't stamp their feet and chew me out when I don't write things THEIR way, and generally the ones who are patient and understanding and respect me both as a writer and a person._

_Endless thanks for following this series to the end, for reading this agonizingly long A/N, and for being such a bright part of my life. All my love to each of you, always. Thank you so much for so much more than I could even begin to list. Best wishes to each of you in your future endeavors and may you all have beautiful lives filled with a love as strong and loyal as Spoby's. xoxo  
_


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